Gratitude Journal #1

Awhile ago, my precious neighbor and friend challenged me to start a 40-day gratitude journal, describing what I am thankful for, and what I want. So here I am, the day after Christmas, starting it, and sharing it all with you.

What am I thankful for?
*Mari Ellen - my neighbor, friend, and fellow missionary who challenged me to do this. God certainly knew what He was doing when He put me across the hall from her! I am thankful for her listening ear, cups of tea, joyous laugh, knowledge of German culture (and many other things:) and especially for the way she speaks Truth into my life.
*Sunshine - Winter can be quite gray around here, but yesterday and today have been beautiful sunny days.
*Christmas - No matter how you spent it - with family or friends, snow or tropics, it is all about Christ. I was reminded of that this year as I made new traditions during my first Christmas far from home.

What do I want?
*Dorothy's Red Slippers - You know, from the Wizard of Oz. Click your heels three times and you will be transported wherever you want. It would make visiting friends or family much more feasible! Oh, so you want me to be realistic? Ok, so then I want the Atlantic Ocean to not be as wide as it is. :) (In other words, I wish my family were not so far away.)
*To Dwell Deep - Lexi is a friend who was an RA here at BFA last year and is now teaching in the US. She sent out an update email the other day in which she shared what she has been learning and experiencing. I was challenged by many of her thoughts, especially this one (I hope you don't mind that I stole this, Lexi.):
I was encouraged to “dwell deep” by Amy Carmichael. When I am deeply rooted in the Lord, circumstances and other surface things will not rock me. This quote has been so good:
“Too much of thy surface is exposed to the breath of every wind that bloweth. Thou must learn to dwell deep.”
*To not fear. To rest in God's hand - to remember that He has promised to uphold me.
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

Sunrise in NY
(Look at the detail on the pine tree. God made that. The amazing God I serve made that. He knows how many needles are on that tree. He knows how many hairs are on my head. Why should I worry?)

Unsure Anticipation

I sit here sipping coffee and staring at my Christmas tree, tears running down my cheeks as I think of my family thousands of miles away. Christmas is three days away. I must admit that I am not sure what to expect this week - what to anticipate. Yes, I know that Advent is all about anticipating and celebrating Christ's birth and His future second coming.

Yes, it is all about Christ. But our celebrations are closely tied into family as well. When I think of Christmas, I think of Christ and family. The word traditions also comes to mind. What are my traditions? They are not mine - they are my family's. How I celebrate Christmas this year, far from my family, is up to me. So, beginning today, I am starting some of my own traditions. Some may be my family's, some may be my own, some may be borrowed from other people. What exactly will they be? I am still not completely sure...

Yesterday in church, our pastor spoke on Mary's Magnificat. I want my heart to echo the beginning of her prayer (Luke 1:46-47):

"My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior."

Yes, even though I am far from family this Christmas, my soul magnifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.

Because it is all about Him, after all.

Yearning for Truth...

...What if you could see yourself thru another pair of eyes
What if you could hear the truth
Instead of old familiar lies
What if you could feel inside
The power of the hand that made the universe...

(Big Daddy Weave - "What Life Would Be Like")

"Home" Sweet Home

I use the word "home" to describe many places...I have a NY home, a Germany home, and in a lot of ways (because of my people connections there) an OH home still. Sometimes I feel torn between them and like I don't quite fully "fit" in any of them. I have been challenged recently that heaven is my one true home...this is what I should be longing for. One day, I will truly be home.

Some of you might think that sounds a bit negative or perhaps even morbid, but I think any of you who have lived in more than one place can identify with these sentiments.

Part of the reason that I have been contemplating the concept of "home" is because I just had the blessing of spending two weeks at "home" in NY with my family. When people ask me where I am from, Northern New York is my answer. Because that is where my family and my roots are. The purpose of this trip was to spend some good quality face-to-face time with my family. It was an AMAZING time - a marvelous trip beyond what I even expected! All of my siblings were home for Thanksgiving week, so we enjoyed laughing, talking, and eating eating eating together! :) (Anyone who knows my mother knows that there is NEVER a shortage of food in the Eaves household.:)

Even though my main priority this trip was to spend time with my immediate family, I was blessed to be able to see most of my extended family, as well as some friends. It was good to be able to catch up with my church family at my home church. Many of these people have been part of my life for most or all of my life, and I wouldn't be who I am today without them.

On my way back to my Germany "home", I spent an extra 24 hours in NYC and then was re-routed through Atlanta. I was a bit disappointed and a slight bit frustrated, because it only made the trip that much longer. But really, the trip was mostly smooth, just long. However, I have since realized the truth that, so I spent an extra 24 hours in NYC. So what? What difference does it make? I didn't miss anything. I am safe and healthy. Also, everything happens for a reason. Even though I don't know the reasons, I trust my Heavenly Father and His sovereignty.

Thank You, Father, for the blessing of family and friends, and for time spent with them.

with my siblings

with my parents

with the Kerrs (a precious couple I have known my entire life)

with Ty (my cousin)

the beauty of God's creation...sunrise on the farm

Amazing People

I am so blessed in the people I know. This includes the German campers, and their families! Our campers come from a variety of backgrounds and situations, but I have met some truly amazing, godly families.

On Sunday, my coworker Norm (who is a retired lawyer from California and oversees follow-up for our English Camps) and I went to a town about 20 minutes away to go to church with and have lunch with a family who had two teens at English Camp this summer. Mandes and Malindi were both a joy to have as campers this summer.

Their dad is the pastor of their church. Normally, the church meets in a large room in their house. However, in August a fire damaged that room, as well as the children's bedrooms. Just this weekend, the four children were able to move back into their bedrooms (which they were very thankful to be able to do:). The church meeting room is still being repaired.

I was so impressed with this family! The parents met while serving as missionaries in Kenya. The family's love for God and for each other was clearly evident. I was encouraged by my afternoon with them, and I hope it is not the last I spend with them!

Some of you might be thinking "Kari, these campers are only 20 minutes away - why haven't you visited them before?" Because I don't have a car. And the bus and train connections between here and there are tricky/not frequent/indirect/etc. BUT GOOD NEWS! My co-worker Katherine leaves in December for a year-long HMA (Home Ministry Assignment = furlough) and is so graciously and generously giving me her car! Words cannot adequately express how thankful I am to her and for her (and not just because she is giving me her car.:) So now I will be able to be able to get outside of Kandern easier and more frequently, and do things such as visit these campers. YAY!

Grace. Faith. Weariness.

The past few months have been intense. A busy summer of English Camp was followed by much processing. God has been stirring up a lot of things in my life in a lot of different areas. I guess you could say that He has been showing me more of who I am and who He created me to be and how He wants to use me. Then throw in four intense weeks of language study, with everything that that experience entailed. Plus I am starting to make some decisions regarding the future.

To be completely honest, all of this leaves me feeling weary at times. But I realize that there is only One who can give true rest and joy and peace.

I am contemplating what grace truly is and how truly believing in it affects how I life my life. Which has then also gotten me thinking about faith. Here are some verses that have challenged and encouraged me and ignited some more thinking:

"Meine Gnade ist alles, was du brauchst." 2 Corinthians 12:9 I like this in German because it is so simple and straightforward: "My grace is all that you need."

"I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose." Galatians 2:21

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

a mangled myriad of thoughts on my mind

My mind and heart are full. In ways that are hard to put into words. But God is slowly beginning to focus the picture. Through the fuzziness and confusion, He is beginning to point, lead, and guide. In ways that make His fingerprints over my entire life evident. How good He is! How sweet it is to see and rest in His goodness in the midst of uncertainty. May I continue to do the hard work of seeking Him. How easy it is to say that I will surrender all of me, but how difficult it is to actually do.

Reformation Day

Today - October 31st - is Reformationstag (Reformation Day). On this day in 1517, Martin Luther hung the 95 Theses on the church in Wittenberg. I didn't realize this holiday existed until I moved to Germany. I think it is a day worth remembering. To thank the Lord for how he used Martin Luther to shape the history of the Church and our faith. To translate the Bible into German (which I believe had something to do with the Bible then being translated into English, but I'm not sure, so don't quote me on that:).

However, tomorrow - Allerheiligen (All Saints' Day) - is the holiday that the Germans observe. All of the stores are closed. That, coupled with the fact that stores are always closed on Sunday, meant that I had to go grocery shopping this afternoon to make sure I eat all weekend. (Yes, folks, the stores are closed for 2 entire days. Welcome to the land of not 24-hour stores. Where rest is observed.) So did everyone else. And the lines were long. And no one complained. Imagine that.

Back Home

I use the word "home" to describe many places, but in this case, I mean Kandern home. After quite the adventurous travel day on Saturday, I made it safely back to Kandern. I'm enjoying being back in this community with so many amazing people that I am blessed to know. I'm currently trying to process what I learned and experienced during my time in Dresden, as well as trying to step back into life here. Today my brain and body are feeling the intensity of the last four weeks. I am realizing that our minds and bodies don't always make these transitions as quickly as we think they should. I need to remind myself that I am not superwoman. :) I need to allow myself grace. Thankfully, I have people in my life to remind me of this. :)

For those of you who care to hear the story of my latest travel adventure, please continue reading. :)

Some of you know that I have a history of interesting travel adventures within the US, but thankfully my experiences outside the US have been much smoother. I find the European travel systems to be very efficient and dependable. I love German trains. Very rarely do you have any problems, delays, etc. with the trains.

Saturday was supposed to be an "easy" trip. Two ICE (fast trains). One connection in Frankfurt. No big deal. However, it ended up being 1 RE (slow) train, 1 IC (medium) train, and 3 ICE (fast) trains.

The details:

When I arrived at the Dresden train station Saturday morning, I noticed "something beachte" (i.e. - German words I didn't understand) next to my train on the schedule board, but I didn't think anything of it. Then, when I got to the platform, I was surprised to see a red RE (slow) train instead of a white ICE (fast) train. But the info on the screen was correct. So I approached the DB (Deutsche Bahn) man standing on the platform and asked him (in English, because I knew I wouldn't understand his train vocab) what was going on. He told me that all of the ICE trains were "in the depot" and that I would need to take this "replacement train" to Leipzig and get on another "replacement train" to Frankfurt.

Now, I know I have a history of sometimes panicking and overreacting at these situations. But I didn't. I calmly got on the train. As the train made it's way to Leipzig I wondered what was really happening. "Are all the fast trains in Germany on strike? Am I going to have to go all the way to Basel on slow trains? Am I going to get there before Sunday night?" and "Who am I going to call if I don't make it to Basel in time to catch the last bus back to Kandern?" I have a cell phone that I use for emergencies and during English Camp, and I realized that I have very few numbers programmed into it. Oops. But I decide to just wait and see what happens - I knew eventually I would figure out more of what was going on.

In Leipzig, we all get off the RE and onto an IC (medium fast) train. The train is PACKED. FULL. Normally, that does not happen. I think they usually kick people off. But under the circumstances, they let us cram on. It took between 3 and 4 hours to get to Frankfurt, and I stood for about half the time.

In Frankfurt, I was thankful to see ICE trains. I thought to myself "Ok, the hard part of this trip is over. I am only about an hour behind schedule. Things should go smoothly from here and work out." I thought I could let my mind relax and not be on overdrive, trying to figure out all the German announcements. I knew that I had to get on one ICE train and then change to another in Mannheim. Which I did. And that was the point where I thought I could truly relax.

Oh no. Of course not. Then they made an announcement (in German) that "Today, this train will be ending in Offenburg." I understood that, and that I would need to get on another train. However, it was not until the same announcement was displayed on the monitor/screen that I understood that I needed to switch trains in Karlsruhe. I was thankful to have caught that important detail the second time around!

While I was waiting on the platform in Karlsruhe, I noticed that the screen had a special announcement about Offenburg. I didn't understand the key German word, and I was afraid that this train would end in Offenburg too, and that I would be stuck. So I approached the friendly DB man standing on the platform. He was hesitant when I asked him if he spoke English. But I asked him if the train was stopping in Offenburg or ending in Offenburg. He hesitated and didn't answer, and I decided that wasn't important anyways. So I asked "I need to get to Basel. Is this train going to Basel?" He said yes. I smiled, said "thank you," and with much relief, got on the train.

I had to switch seats once on this train because I misunderstood the sign and had been sitting in a reserved seat, but it all worked out. I was very thankful to get to Basel only an hour and a half later than originally planned. Which means I made the last bus back to Kandern. And when I got on the bus, some of my fellow North American single gals were also on the bus, so it was fun to catch up with them.

As much as it felt like a crazy day because my senses were on high alert trying to figure out what was going on, it could have been much worse. Evidently the situation was that they were servicing/inspecting/doing something to the ICE fleet of trains over the weekend.

Not to overly spiritualize things, but as I stood on the platform in Karlsruhe, I thought about how that day was a lot like life. (Probably I made this connection in my mind because of everything I have been processing recently.) I just kept listening to what the DB people told me to do, and I took it one step at a time. That's how my life is - I just keep following God one step at a time, as He shows me what that next step is supposed to be. And I shouldn't worry or be stressed because, thankfully, as dependable as DB usually is, God is even more so. He NEVER fails. Praise Him for that!

Random Little Things

So there have been a handful of random moments in the past few days.

Today we went on a field trip to a castle/palace. As we approached the palace, I noticed a big banner hanging above the entrance. It read "Ni Hao" (which means "Hello" in Chinese). I KID YOU NOT! I had a moment of confusion. I asked myself "What country am I in again?" It turns out that the king who built the palace liked the Chinese style, so he had it incorporated. Interesting, eh? Oh the world of multiculturalism! It made me smile and think of my friends in China. I didn't take any pictures cause it was a blurry, grey, rainy day, but for those of you who are interested, here's a link about the palace. The small pink palace is the one that has the Chinese style.

Yesterday while I was waiting at the train station, I noticed two boys probably between ten and twelve years old who were also waiting for the tram. They were eating a jar of Nutella (chocolate hazelnut spread) as fast as they could. I did a double take when I noticed that the one boy was dipping a bright orange carrot in the Nutella. Again, I kid you not. Now, I have been known to say that Nutella is a good excuse to eat many things, but that is taking it a bit too far. Gives new meaning to the phrase "Eat your veggies."

Speaking of random waiting-for-the-tram-moments...on Sunday I was waiting for a tram and my mind was thinking about things a million miles away (in English of course). All of a sudden, there is an elderly lady talking to me. It took me a minute to figure out what she was saying and that she was trying to hand me some Christian literature (in German of course). I was so caught off guard that all I could do was smile and say "Danke" (Thank you). After she walked away, I was kicking myself because she seemed really sweet and it could have been very interesting to talk to this sister in Christ. If only I could get my brain to not freeze in situations like that and actually put some German words together to form a sentence. I mean, I really should have been able to tell her "Ich bin Christ" (I am Christian). Oh well, little by little I am learning.

Yesterday, as part of my German class, we watched a DVD with a documentary type clip about tourism in a certain German city. Lutz (my teacher) pulled out a German map to show me where this city was. Nearby was the city of Eisenach. When I travelled here to Dresden, one of my train connections was in Eisenach. I distinctly remember standing on the platform while I waited for my train, thinking "I have no idea where I am right now other than I am standing on some random train platform that looks like any other German train platform somewhere in the middle of Germany." But folks, one of the things I love about Europe is that it is so rich in history. You never know what might have happened in a certain place. As it turns out, right near Eisenach is where Martin Luther translated the Bible into German (from Greek). Amazing.

These random moments are what make life...well, life. My life is rich and full. Never a dull moment. I am blessed.

Field Trip: Meissen

Have you ever been someplace where you felt completely out of your league? Like you were a fraud and if they found out, you would immediately be escorted out. That was how I felt today at the first stop on our field trip to Meissen. What was I, a country-bumpkin-farm-girl-from-basically-the-middle-of-nowhere doing in the oldest porcelain manufacturer in Europe? Where the least expensive tea cup I saw was 68 euros (that's around $100, folks!) and many of them were A LOT more. One tea service (for six people) I saw was over 3,000 euros! I saw second quality teacups for over 300 euros each!

Of course, there was another thought swirling through my brain. You must remember that I am not exactly the most coordinated person on earth. I can be clumsy at times (even though I try really hard not to be). There is a memory that, while I no longer have nightmares about it, I will remember it all my life. I was 12. We were on the one and only official family vacation we ever took. To Niagara Falls. I was in a gift shop, standing in front of a shelf of knick knack souvenirs. Next thing I know (to this day I have no idea what I did to cause this), an entire shelf of snow globes were on the floor. Broken. I was mortified. Embarassed. Wanted to melt into the floor. Thankfully, my parents did not have to pay for said broken snowglobes. My parents were nothing but gracious (as they tend to be:). (Another example: you know how Corelle dishes are not supposed to break? Let's just say I've proven that one wrong....multiple times...)

So, needless to say, I have a fear of breaking things in stores. When I am in a store with fragile goods, my senses are on high alert. Thankfully, I think I have acquired at least a bit more grace in the past decade or so. Plus, most of the procelain today was in glass cases. :) It was interesting to see the process by which the porcelain is produced. It is very tedious work, which is done by hand - both the making of the pieces, and then the painting. Everything must be perfect.

I didn't take any pictures - because I was too absorbed in observing all I could (and making sure I didn't break anything:). But here are some pictures of Meissen porcelain that I stole online:






After leaving the porcelain museum and enjoying a nice German meal (I love German food, but it is heavy - not something you want to eat every day!), we went to the Albrechtsburg Castle. The first part of it was built in the 900s (No, I did not forget the 1 in front of that. Yes, it was originally built over one thousand years ago!) We took a tour of the dom (cathedral) - some of the stairs we climbed were 700 years old! We climbed to the top of the tower, where we enjoyed a rainy, but still beautiful view of Meissen. And the connecting schloss (castle/palace) was beautiful! The ceilings were intricately painted. As beautiful as these palaces are, I can't imagine living in one - they must have been so dark and cold!

I will leave you with a few pictures of the Albrechtsburg Castle and overlooking Meissen.

Mom likes to see me, not the buildings. :)

Don't look down, Mom! :)

Week 2 = Way Too Much German Grammar

Week Two was intense. Full of German grammar. Way more German grammar than I think I need at this point. I think I only absorbed a small fraction of what I was taught. "Welches Kasus?" is spinning in my head. (This means - "Which Case?" - nominative, accusative, dative, and genitive....terms we don't use much in English.)

I am enjoying learning (for the most part), and I fall more in love with this beautiful historical city everyday! I have made a habit of getting out and exploring, to help revive my overworked brain. The fall colors and weather have been absolutely beautiful this week! Yesterday I visited Schloss Pillnitz and Park. (See pictures below.) A.maz.ing!

I must admit that at this moment, I am tired. Not exactly 100% looking forward to my mental workout tomorrow. However, I know that a good night's sleep will do wonders. And when I awake tomorrow, I will be ready to attack the day.

Please pray for rest, mental energy, and contentment this week!

One Week Down!

Wow! I am amazed that I have finished my first week of language study already and am about to embark on week 2! Some bulleted highlights:

*I am at a small private language school, but yet I did not expect to be the only student this week. Yay for one on one instruction!
*I knew that German and English have lots of parallels, but I am finding that there are more similarities than I realized. But there are also some significant differences too!
*There are some sounds/pronunciations that I know in my brain, but I just can't get my mouth to make! (I think there is hope and that I am slowly improving, though!)
*My background in TESOL has given me a good foundation for language learning - good systems and methods, as well as understanding of grammar, etc.
*It is good to ask questions! Or, as the Germans say, "Wer, wie, was? Wieso, weshalb, warum? Wer nicht fragt bleibt dumm!" (Who, how, what? How so, why, why? Who does not ask stays dumb!")
*Yes, German has more question words than English (so much for the 5Ws and an H!). No, I do not know them all yet.
*Yes, German is a very precise language.
*Yes, Elbedampfschifffahrtskapitäansmützenhaken is indeed all one word. It means the Elbe (the river that runs through Dresden) steamship trip's capitan's hat's hook.

And a couple of tongue twisters:
*Fischers Fritz fischt frische Fische,
frische Fische fischt Fischers Fritz.
*Zwischen zwei Zweigen zischen zwei Schlangen.
(Yeah, I can't say them either....yet!:)

Allow me to leave you with some photos from the beautiful baroque city of Dresden!

A mural made of Meißen porcelain tiles that shows the procession of Saxony's princes

A view of a square that made me stop and sigh...I love Europe!

The Frauenkirche

A university

Looking across the Elbe River

Dresden Here I Come!

Tomorrow morning I am leaving to travel (9 hours by train) to Dresden for 4 weeks of language study! While I am excited, I feel that I have a realistic view of the adventures, blessings, and challenges that these four weeks will contain. Just today a friend reminded me that intensive language study is "like drinking out of a fire hose" and that I need to just absorb as much as I can, realizing that I won't be able to grasp it all. A good reminder.

"Step by Step in His Hands"

The title of this blog is a phrase whose truth I have often clung to. I started embracing it during my college years. Over this past weekend, a friend of mine mentioned "I Am From" poems. I said, "Oh - I wrote one of those in college!"

So I did a little digging in my computer files this morning, and I found my "I Am From" poem. Sure enough, it contains the phrase "step by step in His hands."

I'm going to share this poem with you. Why share this on a blog about my current life and ministry in Germany? Because, while the world described in this poem seems starkly different from my current "world," this poem speaks of who I am, of where I am from. I wouldn't be where I am or who I am today without the foundation described in this poem.

I AM FROM

I am from four-legged spots of black and white amidst fields of rolling green bordered by rusty barbed-wire fences,
From gallons upon gallons of fresh white milk rushing through the shiny metal pipeline from one end of the barn to the other,
From bright green John Deere tractors slowly rolling through the field, preparing the hay to be made into thousands of compact dusty bales.

I am from a kitchen table covered with mountains of white mashed potatoes, craters of creamy macaroni and cheese, and a rainbow of garden-fresh vegetables,
From plates of warm chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven and full glasses of ice cold milk,
From holidays filled with special foods, like the plethora of pumpkin bread at Christmas, which some people eat a loaf at a time.

I am from shouts of joy, chaotic laughter, tears of shared sorrow, and smiling faces,
From sticking together, loving each other, and growing closer through all the ups and downs – no matter what we may face,
From endless love, hugs, and support, not only for each other, but also for countless friends and family.

I am from “Amazing Grace,” “Jesus Loves Me,” “He Leadeth Me,” and “Because He Lives,”
From a small country church, where the people are more family than friends.
From bowing the knee and surrendering my life to serve God – to live every day step by step in His hands.

I am a stalk of alfalfa, growing in the field of God’s grace, supported by the roots of family and friends.

Things I Am Thankful For...

crisp fall air * deep honest conversation * my siblings * all of my family * real maple syrup * rooibus chai * my campers * music * God's grace * books * friends * walking * email * beautiful creation * language * people * coffee * fleece * colors * dairy products * the cross * memories * outdoors * hooded sweatshirts * home * turtlenecks * hot chocolate * anything chocolate * true friends * deep breaths * freshwater lakes * mountains * hay fields * lilies * true peace * true joy * truth * sharing life * pearls * ice cream * german yogurt * laughter * tears in a bottle * the people in my life * blessings

There's Got to be More to Life Than This...

Last night I was thinking about how desperately I (we) want peace and joy. And I realize that is the longing of every person. To have peace and joy – that feeling that everything is right. Some people try to fill that void, that longing, with sex, drugs, and alcohol. Some people try to fill it with “good” things like friendship, service, and ministry. But really, there is only one true source of that joy and peace we seek – God. Jehovah. Father.

I was also thinking about how much I (we) want to “fit” where we are. I wonder if I will ever find where I fit. And then it hit me. I won’t find that this side of heaven, because “this world is not my home.” Rather, "my citizenship is in heaven” (Philippians 3:20).

The “more to life” that we seek is what we were made for – eternal life with our Creator, worshipping Him. We won’t find that true peace here on earth. The closest thing we can find is living every moment of every day for Him alone. Not for self. Not for others. For God alone.

Stepping Out...and Waiting...

I am trying to get more connected in the German community this coming year. Doing that has involved letting go of some of my English/North American connections (Bible Studies, English-speaking church, etc.). At this point, I feel like I am waiting. I have begun to step out of that comfort zone, and am praying and waiting for God to open the right doors. Some doors (exciting ones at that!) have begun to crack open, but nothing is confirmed yet. Please pray that I will wait patiently and remain sensitive to God's leading. Pray that I find my rest in Him alone.

German Church

For the last several months, I have been alternating between attending the English-speaking and German churches here. I love the English-speaking church, but in June I felt convicted that once English Camps were over, I needed to step out of my comfort zone and only attend the German church.

I have struggled a bit with this. "Why?" you ask. Because it is hard to sit through a church service I don't understand, and therefore I don't always feel like I am being fed. It is hard to sometimes feel like I am attending church for a language-learning experience rather than as a worship and learning experience. Which challenges me to remember that worship is about my heart attitude. And that language learning and connections take time. It is encouraging to stop and realize that I do understand more than I did when I first started attending the German church.

Connections. For the last few months, I have been praying and asking God to give me more connections in the German community here.

Most of the Sundays I have attended German church, my roommate and I have gone, sat, not really understood, and maybe said "Hello" to another North American or perhaps a German co-worker. I have walked away feeling like I had no meaningful interaction with other people or with Spiritual Truths.

Faithful. Sometimes God asks us to be faithful and continue to step out of our comfort zone, even when we don't see results from it.

Yesterday as Rachel and I walked to church, we started talking to a couple from the church. (He is American and she is German, and they both are fluently bilingual). I had heard a few days ago that the wife is going to start teaching a German class for North Americans here - something I am interested in. She started talking about this without me even asking! And then we ended up sitting with them during church. The husband helped us understand the sermon.

After we sat down, a young engaged couple we know (they are German/Swiss, have JT connections, and actually both were involved with English Camp this summer) came and sat down next to us as well.

Then, on our way out of church, we talked to another American family.

When we got home, Rachel and I sat down with the German sermon outline (which is provided on a handout) and a German-English dictionary to hammer out the meaning of what the pastor had said about the stoning of Stephen. We figured it out, except that we were still at a lack as to what his application was.

But all in all, we felt like it had been a good Sunday morning. Connections. Some understanding. Being challenged (in multiple ways).

God is good!

An EC story

As I continue to process through and learn from this summer's English Camps, my heart desires to share with you some of the things God did this summer (even though I haven't completely sorted things out). Sure, my role involved me in plenty of crazy stories involving 4:15am fire alarms, vans with issues, and boys who refused to go to sleep at a decent hour (among other things). But that's not what is important. That's not why I love English Camp. What is important is the amazing work that God does. English Camp is an intense experience - it is definitely a battle. God is changing lives and Satan doesn't want that to happen, so he tries to work against us any way he can. (Usually in small ways that we don't immediately identify as 'a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.')

Allow me to share with you a story...a story that has touched my heart in deep ways...a story which God has used to remind me of why He has brought me here and of the truth that He is using me in spite of myself...

Those of you who know me well know that I am most definitely a people person. However, my current role involves a lot of tasks. I realized during the second camp session (during which I was directing one of the camps) that I was having trouble balancing those two things. I was either in people mode or task mode (probably in task mode more often), but I wasn't balancing the two.

During the last night as I sat in "Etwas Mehr" ("Something More" in German - our evening chapel program), I was thinking about this. It made me sad to think that I hadn't focused on the people as much as I would have liked to. I realized I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. My heart was heavy because I felt like I hadn't truly connected with any of the campers. And the campers are the whole reason I'm here...

We ended by singing "I Have Decided To Follow Jesus." I love that song. Its seemingly simple message is profound - it always speaks to the depths of my heart and refocuses me. (I'll spare you the explanation of the many ways and reasons it speaks to my heart.) As I sang, my heart felt heavy for the campers. Leaving camp is a very emotional experience and very hard, especially for the new believers, but for all of the campers. [Most of our campers don't have strong spiritual support systems at home. As much as being a Christian teen is hard in the US, I daresay it is harder in Germany. There are not as many "supports" (strong churches, quality youth groups, believing families, like-minded friends) here as in the US. Our campers might have one of those supports, but not usually more than one.]

As I shared a few closing thoughts with the campers, my raw emotions and heart for them was evident. God gave me the poignant and succinct words to share my heart with them - how I know it is hard for them to go home, but that we as staff care about them, and are here for them whenever they need us.

I then observed as people began to leave the room. I soon noticed that S. was still sitting in her chair, looking like something was weighing heavy on her. I approached her and gently asked if she wanted to talk. As we walked out of the large meeting room to find a quieter place to talk, I felt the depth of knowing that God was answering my prayer of connecting with a camper, even though we hadn't begun to talk! God is so good to me!

S. is not a very verbal person, but she began to share with me some extremely difficult situations she is dealing with. Tough stuff that I can't imagine dealing with. Then she said, "And my mother has MS, but you probably don't know what that is." My heart just about stopped beating. (For those of who don't know, my Mom has had MS since before my parents were married.) This is the third summer in a row that I have connected with a camper whose mother has MS. How amazing is God to use this to help me connect with these campers!

However, her mother's MS is just a small part of what S. is dealing with. Please pray for her. For strength in her journey. Here is part of an email I received from S. last week:

"I thank you so much for talking to me. I think it have been very important for me to talk about it. Now I`m trying to cope with the everyday life and I`m trying to do it with God. I made a new beginning with him and on Friday I will go for the first time to a new youth group. I really hope that I can manage my life with God, although it`s very hard because I approached my problems and I have the feeling that I can`t manage it. But every time I feel that way I have to think of your words: `` It`s too much for me and it`s too much for you, but it`s not to much for God.`` So I pray that he will help me to cope with my problems..."

That's why I'm here - for the kids and the gospel and the gospel and the kids...

Challenging Thoughts

Yesterday, today, and tomorrow I'm sitting in on the last module of Janz Team's "Teach Beyond Summer Institute." (It has been a good change of pace from English Camp.) It's about Biblical Integration in teaching. Not just slapping Bible verses into a lesson and calling it Biblical Integration, but TRUE Biblical Integration. Letting Christ transform us (teachers) as individuals so that our students see His transforming power in our lives. And understanding (and then teaching) how "Creation-Fall-Redemption-Fulfillment" affects our subject area. Check it out: http://transformingteachers.org/

Thinking about and discussing "Creation-Fall-Redemption-Fulfillment" has been challenging to me. Trying to wrap my head around the eternal/never-ending future seems impossible enough. I realized this morning I had never before thought much about how God ALWAYS was BEFORE He created the Earth. Wow. I truly can't comprehend that. It reminds me how small I am and how big God is. How He is God and I am not.

It's over

How is another summer of English Camp finished already? In some ways, the last 4 weeks have felt like four months, but more so it feels like I snapped my fingers and English Camp had come and gone (okay, maybe not quite). Currently my mind is a tired jumbled mess of lessons learned, experiences had, ways God worked, etc, etc, etc. I'm currently working on sorting it all out and processing (ie - making sense of it all), but I'll be sure to share more stories with you. You might not hear the stories of fire alarms, broken noses, broken vans, and menu mistakes - because while these things did in fact happen, the important things are what God did in people's lives (staff and campers alike) during these intense four weeks.

Thank you for your prayers. Your support. Your friendship. Your love. You are just as much a part of this ministry as I am.

Ten Days and Eternity

During the first camp, a particularly poignant thought crossed my mind. Ten days go by so quickly. It is hardly a significant amount of time. Especially when considered in light of eternity, ten days is almost nothing. However, for many of our campers, the ten days they are at camp changes their eternity.

I am mindful of this as I interact with campers now. Am I allowing the Holy Spirit to guide my actions and words? Am I depending on His power instead of mine? Please pray for our staff as we interact with campers, and for our campers as they consider their eternity.

Round Two

Wow. How is the first camp over already? It was a busy but good time. I learned many lessons personally. Staff served enthusiastically. Campers made decisions - either for the first time or to recommit their lives to Christ. God is good and He has blessed us! We have seen Him work.

Of course, there were crazy moments as well. For example, the 4:15am phone call I received because a fire alarm was going off at one of the camps. There was no fire, praise the Lord, but it took a little while to figure out how to shut it off. Sprained ankles. Sick campers (and staff!). An abundance of certain foods (better too much than not enough, right?).

The first group of campers left yesterday. There were many tears and hugs and pulling kids apart as they departed by car and train. I felt mean as I said "No, you need to get in my van now or you'll miss your train" more than once. (Tough love, right?)

The first group of staff left today. It's much more exciting to pick them up at the airport, than to drop them off. What started as names on a list had become faces when we picked them up two weeks ago. Now, they are dear precious people with amazing gifts and the desire to serve - people who become precious to both us (the coordination team) and the campers. It seemed too soon for them to leave!

But they had barely left when they were replaced with a fresh group of faces to put with names. That group of (jet-lagged) faces has been warmly welcomed and is hopefully currently sleeping soundly. I am directing one of the camps this session - the Palmgarten camp. Please pray for our camps. Pray for staff unity - for love for each other and the campers. For physical safety, strength, and health. For God to do amazing things in all of our lives, but especially the campers. Pray that campers will decide to follow Jesus and come to know Him better at camp. Cause that's why we do what we do.

For the kids and the gospel and the gospel and the kids...

My rearview mirror

Today the campers for the first session arrived. I made three runs to the train station to do pick-ups. I wish you could have seen what I saw in my rearview mirror. (I would have taken a picture, but that would have been dangerous, considering I was driving at the time,... and also probably highly illegal in Germany!) I saw campers smiling...smiles that got bigger the closer we got to camp. I saw eager expectation. Anxious anticipation. Joyful reunions. I heard evergetic, happy squeals.

Amazing. God is good. To bring us campers safely. Some familiar faces, some new. May He change and encourage hearts this week!

Wanted: Prayers

More and more I learn about the importance and necessity of prayer. I greatly covet your prayers, especially during these next four weeks - the most intense part of my year, the highlight of my year. Here is a prayer calendar to help you pray more specifically:

Prayer Calendar

Many, many thanks!!!

A Time Line...

With the busy-ness of my life recently, as well as the minor computer troubles I've had, I realize I haven't done the best at communicating with you all. So, here's a brief outline of what the next 5 weeks look like for me:

July 13: Staff 1 arrive
July 17 - 26: Camp 1
July 27: Staff 1 depart / Staff 2 arrive
July 31 - Aug. 9: Camp 2
August 11: Staff 2 depart
~ August 13: Kari escapes to a desert island (ok, maybe not:) to praise God for all He has done (and to regain her sanity:)

Your prayers over these next 5 weeks are much appreciated. Pray for safety, smooth travels, health, unity, and good relationships to be built. Most of all, pray that God will be glorified in all that we do, and that everyone involved in camp this summer grows closer to God.

His Wounds

Since my last post, it's been a constant struggle between my anxious/stressed thoughts and the Truth - the truth that it is God who will make these camps happen, not Kari. Him, not me. I need to live in His strength. In His presence. How often I 'forget' that I have Him - His Spirit - with me all the time. I want to continually abide in His presence and rely on His Spirit. Today, tomorrow, the next 6 weeks, every day of my life.

So you know how when God is trying to teach you something - when He is seemingly "beating you over the head" with something, the idea comes up everywhere you turn? That's how my weekend has been. It started yesterday when I was having dinner with my neighbor Mari Ellen. (Aside on how thankful I am for Mari Ellen: I am so thankful that Mari Ellen is my neighbor. For her laugh. For her notes on our door. For her cups of tea. For her open door and hospitality. For her listening ear. I am thankful that at times when I am not listening to the Spirit's presence with me, God uses His Spirit in Mari Ellen to speak Truth to me. I am blessed.) I was telling Mari Ellen that because I know just how unworthy I am of God's love and grace and strength, I continue to try to live life in my own strength. Mari Ellen looked at me and said "But Kari, isn't that the point? None of us are worthy. That's why He died."

At church this morning, we had communion - another reminder of the cross and its redeeming power in my life. We started and ended communion with the song "The Power of the Cross" by Keith Getty and Stuart Townsend. (Side note: If you haven't heard any of Keith and Kristyn Getty's songs, I highly recommend that you check them out. Powerful, truth-speaking lyrics.) One line in particular caught my attention: "Oh to see my name written in the wounds." MY name. Written in HIS wounds. What a word picture! What love!

Oh, to see my name
Written in the wounds,
For through Your suffering I am free.

When I got home, I turned on some music. I just picked up where I left off the last time I listened to music. The first song that played? "By His Wounds" by Mac Powell (on the "Glory Revealed" CD):

By His wounds, we are healed...

Then, I checked my email. One of my friends included the following quote in an email from Max Lucado's book Come Thirsty:

"The big news of the Bible is not that you love God but that God loves you; not
that you can know God but that God knows you!  He tattooed your name on the
palm of his hand.  His thoughts of you outnumber the sand on the shore.  You
never leave his mind, escape his sight, flee his thoughts.  He sees the worst
of you and loves you still.  Your sins of tomorrow and failings of the future
will not surprise him; He sees them now.  Every day and deed of your life has
passed before his eyes and been calculated in his decision.  He knows you
better than you know you and has reached his verdict:  HE LOVES YOU STILL.
No discovery will disillusion him; no rebellion will dissuade Him.  He loves
you with an everlasting love."    

Ok, Lord, I'm listening. You know me and yet You still choose to love me. May I live every moment in light of the cross, in the power of Your love.

This is a marathon, not a sprint.

As my roommate can attest, I have experienced much anxiety recently about English Camp planning. This is my own fault. It is evidence that I am giving in to my perfectionistic tendancies and fear of failure and trying to do things in my own power, rather than depending on God and remembering that these are His camps.

Less than two weeks and our staff will be here. Two weeks from tomorrow the first group of campers arrive. This is what was causing me to feel overwhelmed yesterday. There is still much that needs to be done. That should be done. That could be done.

I needed to make myself stop. Stop and realize everything that is already in place. Stop and praise God for the amazing ways He has already provided. Stop and set realistic expectations for myself. Stop and realize what needs to be done, and what is not necessary. To appropriately prioritize.

I'm learning the hard lesson that God doesn't want me to sacrifice my health and sanity for the ministry. When you are a short-termer, it's easier to treat your ministry like a sprint - to completely pour yourself into everything you do and give 120% constantly. When it is done, you 'recover.' This is what I have been used to doing in summers past - spending 4 weeks of my summer completely pouring myself out for English Camp. Now that I am full-time staff, I can't do that. I need to treat it more like a marathon. I need to pace myself. Yes, I still want to give everything I can to English Camp, but if I don't pace myself, I won't have the endurance I need for the next 2, 6, or 7 weeks. I want to live this summer 'slow and steady,' not as 'a rat race,' so that I can observe the wonderful ways that God works, as well as stay sensitive to His Spirit.

I want this summer to shine with His glory. At the end of the summer, I don't want to look back and say 'I made English Camps happen.' Rather, I want to say 'Look what God did. See the wonderful ways He made English Camps happen and happen well!' To Him be the glory!

PTL they're coming!!

Over the past year, I have been eagerly anticipating the arrival of my soon-to-be-full-time-co-workers: the Kraines. I have gotten to know this amazing family over the past few summers, and have been excited about the prospect of them coming to work here full-time. Russ will teach at BFA and Diane will be a part of our English Camp team. We have been praying that God would provide for them to be able to arrive here mid-July. Well, I received an email from them this morning saying that they have been given the official okay by JT to come in July! Praise the Lord!! Continue to pray for them - that God will continue to provide for all of their needs and everything that needs to happen during the next few weeks.

One year

It was one year ago yesterday that I arrived in Germany, suitcases in hand, anxiously excited to start this new adventure that God had for me. It hardly seems possible that it has been a whole year already, but what a year it has been. The word rollercoaster has often come to mind. Ups and downs. Laughter and tears. Blessings and challenges. But through it all, God's faithful hand has been evident. He has carried, stretched, and grown me (and hopefully made me more like Him). I am learning more and more what it means to be His disciple.

I sat down with my journal last night and made a list of what I have learned over the past year. The thread running through it all spoke of God's goodness - His love, provision, and grace. Praise Him!

Today part of the song "Bring the Rain" (by MercyMe) is running through my head. The words are a bit scary to sing because it is basically asking God to bring the trials; but moreso, they speak the truth that who I am in Christ is unchanging. And that the purpose of my life is to bring Him glory and praise.

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus Bring the Rain

Fully at Peace

Here it is 7:23pm and I am still sitting in my office. The blue sky and sunshine trick me into believing that it is earlier in the day. And the fact that I am being productive tempts me to keep working. This has happened too much this week. Yes, English Camp prep is important, and this is our busy time, but there is more to life than just that.

Several times this week I have thought "I need to blog about x, y, or z." But alas, it has not happened. Let me try to share a bit about what has been on my mind and heart recently....

*My amazing sister was here visiting me last week - it was WONDERFUL!! That in and of itself is definitely worthy of its own post, which will happen once I actually have downloaded my pictures.

*My computer is basically dead at this point. But my adventurous roommate and I are trying to revive it. So far, we've been partially successful. Part of me thinks it is sad how dependent my life (work and communication) is on a computer, but PTL for providing another computer at the office for me to use, so my English Camp work is not interrupted! (Any odd characters that appear are due to the fact that I'm still adjusting to the German keyboard:)

*Life has been full recently. With English Camp prep. With saying good-bye to BFA friends, (some temporarily and some that I might not see again this side of eternity). With my sister's visit. With other adventures. With trying to make the most of every moment.

*My heart is at peace because I serve an amazing God who has blessed my socks off. Sometimes I'm tempted to think that at 26 I'm old, but recently I've been struck with how short 26 years really is, and how many amazing things I've been able to experience at this 'young age.' No it hasn't always been an easy road, but I am blessed. And if God gives me one or maybe even 2 more sets of 26 years, I am speechless because I cannot begin to imagine what adventures and blessings those future years hold. But I am also excited because I feel potential....the potential that God is going to allow me to witness or be a part of BIG things. How can I help but be excited and joyous about that?! (And no, I don't have any idea what those things might be.:)

*I'm challenged and inspired and excited as I meditate on Oswald Chamber's thoughts about "reckless abandon." (Check out "My Utmost For His Highest" June 18th or click here.)

*I've been reminded that God cares more about me BE-ing than me DO-ing. Even though the next two months will contain a lot of do-ing, I pray that I remember to BE. (As in "Be still and know that I am God.") To just BE in His presence.

Thank you for being part of my life. For allowing God to use you in my life in so many ways. I am truly blessed in the people I know. Thanks for being part of this incredible journey I am on.

Fixing My Eyes...

Life may be a rollercoaster at times, but I want Jesus to be my foundation, my center. Music speaks to the depths of my soul, and here are a few lines that have touched me recently:

"Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand."
(and the rest of "In Christ Alone" by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend)

...

"Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be."

...

"Be still my soul
The Lord is on your side"

...

" All I have needed
Thy hand has provided
Great is Thy faithfulness
Lord unto me"

...

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth . . . but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven . . .
Matthew 6:19-20

Life's Just Different Here

So the other morning I was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of granola. I was still half asleep, but the wheels in my mind were already turning, as they love to do (I tend to have a very active inner monologue:). I was thinking about my current life. I feel like I should be on the "up-swing" of transition and feeling more settled, but rather I feel like I'm still stuck in a rut or funk or something. So then the thought "Life's just different here" pops into my head. Suddenly, I was wide awake. "Well, duh Kari, OF COURSE life's different here and that's why transition is such a big deal."

I sat and contemplated the "little things" that make my life here different than my life in the States. The language. The setting. The fact that I don't have a car. Routines. My job. The community I live in that is a combination of North American missionaries, retired Germans, and "normal" Germans (working, families, etc). Garbage rules. Even the very granola I was eating. German "Muesli" is not cooked as much as American granola, so it's not crispy. But this, this "Master Crumble" was more than "knusper" (the German word for crispy/crunchy) - it might as well have been good ol' American granola!

Now, as for "transition"...I think a big part of my current "problem" is the fact that in seeing so many of my weaknesses, it makes me realize how unworthy I am of everything God has given me, including His grace, love, etc. So instead of leaning on Him like I should, I try to live in my own strength because I know I am unworthy of God's grace and how often I fail Him. I know the truth (that I am a disciple, that God loves me unconditionally, etc.), but I'm obviously having trouble living that out - living like I believe it. As much as I continually fail and try to live in my own power, He is still faithful and keeps on providing. Why am I so dumb? Why can't I just depend on Him and cling to Him every moment like I should? I think it's this thing called a sin nature. Flesh. But I'm trying to fight it.

Transition.
Unworthiness.
Unimaginable love and grace.

I'm amazed at how much I'm learning about myself and my Lord, because He's put me here - where life's just different.

A Weekend At Blauen

This weekend I spent helping out at Blauen (one of BFA's girls dorms). I was blessed by the time I was privileged to spend with these amazing girls. Here are just a few of the highlights:

- Conversations about literature (Russian authors, anyone?)
- Tripping and falling flat on my face
- Analyzing the relationships and decisions in "Gilmore Girls"
- Discovering I am not a vampire because when I look in the mirror I do have a reflection (evidently vampires don't?!)
- Dorm garage sale
- Conversations about experiences, plans, and dreams
- Outdoor movies
- Haircuts
- Discovering random connections
- Attempting Sodoku
- Mealtime conversations


and many, many more...

"Are you staying here for the summer?"

Most of my friends here work at BFA, so their lives revolve around a school year calendar. (I understand this.) Therefore, their "time off" occurs during the summer. Many of them do return "home" to North America for part of the summer. More than once, I have been asked "So are you going home at all this summer?" One person who asked me should have known better. :) I gave her a crooked smile and said - my words dripping with sarcasm - "There's this little thing called English Camp I'm involved with." Oh right...! And we laughed.

So then, I'm talking to my Mom on the phone the other day. She asked when I might possibly be coming home next (which is still a question mark, in case you're wondering). Mom says, "What about during the summer?" Mom!!! Again, I pointed out the whole English Camp thing, and my precious mother felt dumb. At least she was asking about next summer. :)

As my roommate pointed out, if my own mother is asking this question, I am not allowed to give anyone else grief for asking.

But yes, to answer your question, I'm staying here this summer. :)

Juggling Details

My responsibilities with English Camps include a wide variety of things - everything from the English teaching segment of the program to the menus and shopping lists, from setting up the layout/usage of the dorm space to staff orientation. And many many more details. Last week I decided that I feel a bit like a juggler - trying to take care of many different facets of camp and ensure that everything that needs to happen does indeed happen. I don't want to let anything "drop."

When I'm surrounded by details, it is easy to get overwhelmed. But that is not good. It is not healthy, nor is it God-honoring. I find that I consistently need to take a step back and look at the big picture. When I do that, it is easy to see how God has been VERY faithful. Yes, there are still pieces of the puzzle that need to fall into place, but God, in His amazing and loving ways, has already orchestrated many things for this summer's camps. For example, we have a HUGE need for male counselors for our second session, and this morning I received emails about two potential male counselors. God is good!

Many times over the past week God has reminded me of His faithfulness in my life. I cannot miss the evidence of His hand in so much. I praise Him for His faithfulness. One song in particular has been going through my mind over and over again in recent days:

"Oh Lord, You have been good.
You have been faithful to all generations."

Indeed He has. When I get discouraged because I allow myself to forget His grace and care for me, He is quick to redirect my focus (if I'm sensitive to His Spirit and voice). This morning I was in a bit of a negative mode and yet another song came to my mind:

"Trust and obey
for there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus
but to trust and obey."

May I trust and obey and praise Him for His faithfulness today.

My Amazing Mother

As you might guess from my recent posts, I've been missing my family and friends a lot recently. Don't get me wrong - I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, but sometimes I feel the width of the ocean more deeply than at other times. Today, being Mother's Day, is one of those days that I long to be with my family. To laugh and cry with them, and to celebrate the amazing blessing that our Mom is to us.

My Mom truly is an amazing woman. She would never tell you this, because in her humble way, she doesn't give herself enough credit. My Mom pours herself into other people - first into our family and then into friends. She cares for others more than she cares for herself. This love is shown in the plethora of food and baked goods she makes, the packages she sends, and the cards and letters she writes. She gives her time and her energy (what little she has) to others.

For the past thirty years, Mom has faced the challenges of having a body and a disease that work against her every moment of every day. She deals with constant pain (among other things). How she does it, I'm not sure. I don't think I could. I know her faith in God is SO strong. One of her favorite hymns is "Because He Lives." "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow..." My Mom truly believes that, and her life shows it. Her positive attitude and perseverance put me to shame. She puts most healthy people to shame with her work ethic. Last spring, I jokingly told Mom that I think God allowed her to have MS because otherwise the rest of us wouldn't be able to keep up with her.

My Mom is the glue that holds our family together in a lot of ways. She is my biggest cheerleader, and I daresay that my siblings would say the same thing. She is always there to share in my celebrations, to give me a hug, or let me cry on her shoulder. I am so thankful that I know she is only a phone call away. (How many times have I heard her say "You can call anytime"?) Always, she focuses my perspective where it needs to be - "on the blessing, not the burden" as she says. She consistently reminds me of how much God has blessed me. And one of the biggest blessings He has given me is my Mom.

I love you, Mom.

Five Years Ago Today...

Five years ago today I graduated from CU. Looking back, the past five years have not held what I would have necessarily expected them to, but I have learned that God's plans are so much better than mine. I am so thankful for where He has brought me and what He has taught me. He has blessed me so much more than I ever could have imagined or deserved, and He keeps on pouring those blessings down!

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts. "
Isaiah 55:8-9

Famous Friends

Last Friday evening, I hung out with some of my "famous friends" in Basel (just across the border into Switzerland).

The Chiquita Banana Lady, The Flash, and Larry the Cucumber

Fresh Cut Grass Flashback

As I walked home from the grocery store the other day, the scent of fresh cut grass hung in the air. No matter where I am, that smell immediately takes me back. Back home to the farm. This time, it was to the summer I was fourteen. That was the summer that I started raking most of the hay on our family dairy farm. Back then, we spent the summers “chasing hay,” as my Dad would say. We turned two hundred acres of hay into small rectangular bales – thousands of them. Tens of thousands of them. First, second, sometimes third cuttings. They all ended up in the hay mow of the barn. It was hot and dusty up there – I was thankful that mowing (rhymes with cow-ing) the hay away was not my job.

No, I was thankful to have an outdoor job. Occasionally I unloaded wagons, but usually I raked the hay. There I sat, on a John Deere tractor probably twice as old as I was, pulling the rake. I wore a tank top, shorts, and dusty old sneakers. My hair was pulled back under a baseball cap that I wore backwards. (This kept my hair from flying around, and if I wore it forward, the wind would catch the brim and the hat would go flying away.) Sunglasses shielded my eyes from the bright summer sun. I must have had more of a tomboy look than I realized, because the neighbor asked my Dad who his new “hired boy” was.

At fourteen, I didn’t like the fact that my family didn’t take family vacations like most families I knew. But looking back, I realize I had something that most of them didn’t – I got to spend every day working with my family, enjoying the beauty of God’s creation. Sure my Dad worked seven days a week, three hundred sixty-five days a year, but he was always accessible to us. We could always find him – whether he was in the barn milking or out in the fields working.

I love summers on the farm. Soaking in the warmth of the summer sun. Enjoying the beauty of God’s creation. Knowing the satisfaction (and fatigue) of a hard day’s work as the sun sets.

For the last several summers, I have split my time between Germany and the farm. But now, for this season of my life, my summers are spent entirely in Germany. Summers on the farm are one of those things I must "sacrifice" for now...

Not by MY power...

Unless the LORD builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Psalm 127:1

Unless the LORD builds English Camps....

Seeking Grace

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you..." (James 4:8)

I'm the one who needs to reach out to God. Sometimes when He feels farther away, it's my fault - I'm the one keeping Him away.

It's like I'm keeping God at an arm's length away. I'm trying to live life in my own strength. Why? Because I know just how much I DON'T deserve His grace and love. But I know that is so very wrong.

"But He gives a greater grace..." (James 4:6)

Grace. I want to seek His grace today.