What I am thankful for:
*Friends who truly care about me - who speak truth and encouragement into my life
*Milchkaffee
*Books & the ability to read
*Campers-turned-interns
*Pepper mills
*People
*Skype & Facebook - Yes, I know they have downfalls, but they make friendships easier and cheaper to maintain over distance
*My roommate Rachel. She is amazing! And so good for me in so many ways!
*The way God cares about the little details in our lives!
*Nick & Lindsay (my former roommate in OH) are engaged! PTL for His working in their lives and relationship!
*"Brasch Salat Sauce" (it's this amazingly delicious creamy garlicy salad dressing)
What I want:
*To sleep well tonight and not wake up before my alarm
*To read more - I haven't been doing enough of that recently (and I have a stack of books people have lent me - I need to read them and return them to their owners!)
*To let Truth change my thought patterns and affect how I live my life
*To keep fighting and not give in to lies of the enemy
*To encourage those around me just as much - or more! - than they encourage me
*To keep trusting God for the details of my future
*To hug people more often
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Cracked Pottery
As I walked across town this afternoon, I was feeling physically drained and emotionally fragile. It was one of those times where if the right person asked "How are you?," torrents of uncontrolled emotions and tears may have come pouring out. However, as I passed a few people I know, I flashed them a smile and waved. The voice inside my head cried "Liar. Liar liar liar." I argued back, "I just need to get home. I just need to maintain my composure until I get home."
As I walked along, I pictured myself as a piece of pottery. A piece of pottery with cracks in it that water was starting to leak out of. The pottery threatened to shatter and gush water everywhere, just like my emotional composure was threatening to evaporate into thin air.
Somewhere along the way my internal turmoil settled a bit, and I managed to take care of the errands I needed to run and get myself home. And no, I did not break down once I arrived home.
Once seated at the comfort of my solitary dining room table, listening to Truth-speaking music, I was safe to explore my emotions. Why was I feeling so emotionally fragile? Why did this mixture of various emotions swirl inside my heart? To be honest, I don't know. I do know that I am feeling emotionally and physically drained today...I think because of all of the processing and thinking and question-asking I have been doing. God has been helping me to work through some old wounds. He is bringing healing, which is a good thing, but it is not an easy process to go through.
I have been reminded of some good Truths today. Good friends have reminded me that God uses us even when we feel unusable. And He carries or leads us...one or the other, depending on the circumstances. I have been reminded that God created me just as He intended me to be, with certain strengths.
As I sat and pondered, I was reminded of the image of the cracking pottery. The verse about "jars of clay" came to mind, but I couldn't remember what the rest of the passage said or where it was found. A search on www.biblegateway.com led me to 2 Corinthians 4. This chapter was exactly what I needed to read and be reminded of today. Here are the Truths that were especially poignant to me:
"Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart...
...For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ...
...But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed...
...so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God...
...So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
God may be allowing my pottery to crack, but He, as the Potter, promises to make me into a stronger, more beautiful piece of pottery - all for His glory and to shine His light.
As I walked along, I pictured myself as a piece of pottery. A piece of pottery with cracks in it that water was starting to leak out of. The pottery threatened to shatter and gush water everywhere, just like my emotional composure was threatening to evaporate into thin air.
Somewhere along the way my internal turmoil settled a bit, and I managed to take care of the errands I needed to run and get myself home. And no, I did not break down once I arrived home.
Once seated at the comfort of my solitary dining room table, listening to Truth-speaking music, I was safe to explore my emotions. Why was I feeling so emotionally fragile? Why did this mixture of various emotions swirl inside my heart? To be honest, I don't know. I do know that I am feeling emotionally and physically drained today...I think because of all of the processing and thinking and question-asking I have been doing. God has been helping me to work through some old wounds. He is bringing healing, which is a good thing, but it is not an easy process to go through.
I have been reminded of some good Truths today. Good friends have reminded me that God uses us even when we feel unusable. And He carries or leads us...one or the other, depending on the circumstances. I have been reminded that God created me just as He intended me to be, with certain strengths.
As I sat and pondered, I was reminded of the image of the cracking pottery. The verse about "jars of clay" came to mind, but I couldn't remember what the rest of the passage said or where it was found. A search on www.biblegateway.com led me to 2 Corinthians 4. This chapter was exactly what I needed to read and be reminded of today. Here are the Truths that were especially poignant to me:
"Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart...
...For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ...
...But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed...
...so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God...
...So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
God may be allowing my pottery to crack, but He, as the Potter, promises to make me into a stronger, more beautiful piece of pottery - all for His glory and to shine His light.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Gratitude Journal #5
What I am thankful for:
*church
*music at church
*God's healing of old wounds
*chocolate cookies (made by my neighbor - I could enjoy them without doing the work!)
*sharing good conversation over tea
*cheap telephone rates to call the US
*Isaiah 40
*adventures/time with friends
*coffee
*IKEA
*IKEA swedish meatballs
*my roommate's creative mind
*laughter
*"The Vitamin Bible"
What I want:
*to be used by God
*to go to bed early (or at least on time) tonight
*to encourage those around me today
*to better understand the meaning of Isaiah 40:31
*to get lots of work done on the English curriculum today
*to not be like Abraham and Sarah (I don't want to take God's plans and promises into my own hands and try to make them happen in my own strength; rather, I want to patiently trust Him)
*church
*music at church
*God's healing of old wounds
*chocolate cookies (made by my neighbor - I could enjoy them without doing the work!)
*sharing good conversation over tea
*cheap telephone rates to call the US
*Isaiah 40
*adventures/time with friends
*coffee
*IKEA
*IKEA swedish meatballs
*my roommate's creative mind
*laughter
*"The Vitamin Bible"
What I want:
*to be used by God
*to go to bed early (or at least on time) tonight
*to encourage those around me today
*to better understand the meaning of Isaiah 40:31
*to get lots of work done on the English curriculum today
*to not be like Abraham and Sarah (I don't want to take God's plans and promises into my own hands and try to make them happen in my own strength; rather, I want to patiently trust Him)
Friday, January 16, 2009
Gratitude Journal #4
What I am thankful for:
*Sunshine
*Truth
*Music
*Warm drinks
*Poached eggs
*My roommate's amazing popcorn making abilities
*Friends
*My English Campers
What I want:
*To believe Truth, not lies
*To have a healthy balance and perspective in my life
*To choose joy
*To honor God in all I do
*To be able to finish compiling this summer's English curriculum quickly and without too much frustration
*Sunshine
*Truth
*Music
*Warm drinks
*Poached eggs
*My roommate's amazing popcorn making abilities
*Friends
*My English Campers
What I want:
*To believe Truth, not lies
*To have a healthy balance and perspective in my life
*To choose joy
*To honor God in all I do
*To be able to finish compiling this summer's English curriculum quickly and without too much frustration
Friday, January 9, 2009
Gratitude Journal #3
What am I thankful for?
*Tough Days - (Yesterday was one of those). Because I learn from them. Because I am reminded that His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
*For Truth-speaking friends - When I am deep in the mired muck of lies, they pull me out and speak Truth to me. They don't stop loving me. Even when I don't love me.
*For God's love - It doesn't change. He always loves me. It is unconditional. I was reading Psalm 107 this morning (at the suggestion of one of those Truth-speaking friends)...four times it says "Let them thank the Lord for His steadfast love."
What do I want?
*To accept God's love...just as it is. Unconditional. With no strings or requirements attached.
*To celebrate more. One of my Truth-speaking friends pointed out to me yesterday how many times in the Bible the people remembered and celebrated. They built altars to God. They feasted for days on end. I want to be better about celebrating God's goodness and joys in my life.
*To trust God each step of this English Camp planning process. To remember these are His camps, not mine/ours. To plan them in His strength, not my strength.
A song that is currently speaking Truth to me:
(Yes, I am adding a category:)
*Caedmon's Call's "Lead of Love"
"...Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love ..."
Looking back over my life, I can see God's fingerprints and work in my life. I know that He will continue to refine me. Even though it is not easy, it is for my good. And His glory.
Svenja, Miriam, Robyn, and Franci at English Camp 2008
Why I do what I do...for the campers and the staff...to quote one of my former staff members "It's all about the kids and the gospel and the gospel and the kids!"
*Tough Days - (Yesterday was one of those). Because I learn from them. Because I am reminded that His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
*For Truth-speaking friends - When I am deep in the mired muck of lies, they pull me out and speak Truth to me. They don't stop loving me. Even when I don't love me.
*For God's love - It doesn't change. He always loves me. It is unconditional. I was reading Psalm 107 this morning (at the suggestion of one of those Truth-speaking friends)...four times it says "Let them thank the Lord for His steadfast love."
What do I want?
*To accept God's love...just as it is. Unconditional. With no strings or requirements attached.
*To celebrate more. One of my Truth-speaking friends pointed out to me yesterday how many times in the Bible the people remembered and celebrated. They built altars to God. They feasted for days on end. I want to be better about celebrating God's goodness and joys in my life.
*To trust God each step of this English Camp planning process. To remember these are His camps, not mine/ours. To plan them in His strength, not my strength.
A song that is currently speaking Truth to me:
(Yes, I am adding a category:)
*Caedmon's Call's "Lead of Love"
"...Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love ..."
Looking back over my life, I can see God's fingerprints and work in my life. I know that He will continue to refine me. Even though it is not easy, it is for my good. And His glory.
Svenja, Miriam, Robyn, and Franci at English Camp 2008Why I do what I do...for the campers and the staff...to quote one of my former staff members "It's all about the kids and the gospel and the gospel and the kids!"
Friday, January 2, 2009
Gratitude Journal #2
What am I thankful for?
*Music - It speaks to my heart and soul in deep ways. The Truth in song that I am reveling in today is "What Life Would Be Like" by Big Daddy Weave...especially this part:
What if you could see yourself thru another pair of eyes
What if you could hear the truth
Instead of old familiar lies
What if you could feel inside
The power of the hand that made the universe You'd realize
He made the lame walk and the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time
Yet He knows our deepest desperate need
And the world waits while His heart aches
To realize the dream
I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus live thru you and me
Kristi in Interlaken, Switzerland
*Kristi - My amazing friend Kristi was here to visit for 9 days over Christmas. Kristi and I met in education classes at CU, and I am so thankful for her. She is a kindred spirit and my rational mind - someone who is always there for me no matter what. What a blessing it was to be able to spend time with her in person - relaxing, exploring Europe, and of course sharing non-stop honest conversation! I am thankful for her and that she was able to come visit and see my life here.
Kristi and I in Interlaken
*The beauty of God's creation - I am blessed to live in an amazingly beautiful area where God's handiwork and creativity is abundantly evident. The Black Forest outside my door. The Alps a few hours' drive away.
Titisee (in the Black Forest)
What do I want?
*Rest and Refreshment - When this holiday break ends, I want to feel rested and for my soul to feel restored. I want to feel energized and ready to jump back into "normal" life & routine, work projects, etc.
Driving through the Swiss Alps
The sun starting to set in Titisee (in the Black Forest)
Driving through the Alps near Interlaken
*To believe Truth and not lies - Like what the lyrics above say, there are a lot of "old familiar lies" that affect my thinking and how I live my life. I want these lies to be replaced with Truth. I want not only to believe Truth, but to let it permeate every area of my life.
in Interlaken, Switzerland
*Music - It speaks to my heart and soul in deep ways. The Truth in song that I am reveling in today is "What Life Would Be Like" by Big Daddy Weave...especially this part:
What if you could see yourself thru another pair of eyes
What if you could hear the truth
Instead of old familiar lies
What if you could feel inside
The power of the hand that made the universe You'd realize
He made the lame walk and the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time
Yet He knows our deepest desperate need
And the world waits while His heart aches
To realize the dream
I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus live thru you and me
Kristi in Interlaken, Switzerland
Kristi and I in Interlaken
Titisee (in the Black Forest)What do I want?
*Rest and Refreshment - When this holiday break ends, I want to feel rested and for my soul to feel restored. I want to feel energized and ready to jump back into "normal" life & routine, work projects, etc.
Driving through the Swiss Alps*Growth in 2009 - I want 2009 to be a year in which I consistently serve God and strengthen/deepen my relationship with Him. On December 31, 2009, I do not want to be the same person I am today. I want to be more Christlike. To be more comfortable in my own skin and confident in who He created me to be. I want to have a strong foundation and be deeply rooted in Him. I want contentment, joy, and faith to be evident in all that I do.
The sun starting to set in Titisee (in the Black Forest)*Authentic relationships - I want to experience the body of Christ as it is meant to be. Honest and authentic relationships. I want to drop the "Stained Glass Masquerade" (as the Casting Crowns song labels it). I want to learn how not to put up walls so easily and quickly. I want to learn from others. And to encourage and challenge others. I want to be a part of "iron sharpening iron."
Driving through the Alps near Interlaken
in Interlaken, Switzerland
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