Fear of Failure

I've realized over the past few years how much my fear of failure influences my thought patterns. God has been working in me recently, to try to get rid of those lies and fears, and live a life that is embedded in Truth instead. I came across a quote yesterday that really hit a bulls eye for me:

"We cannot let the enemy constantly remind us of our failures and convince us that our shortcomings define who we are. Instead, we have to meditate on God's Word, allowing Him to renew our hope that one day we will be like Him." - David Jeremiah

That reminded me that I need to "take every thought captive to obey Christ"...this might not be exactly what Paul meant when he wrote that verse, but it reminds me that I need to evaluate my thoughts - to compare them to God's truth - to be able to discern whether they are thoughts of truth, or thoughts that contain lies from the enemy.

"For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete."

2 Corinthians 2: 4-5

A Tale of Extremes

I started the school year with a list of seven student's names; students who needed extra help with their English language skills. I LOVE that at this point in the year, they are seven distinct individuals to me. They each have their own unique personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. I love working with and loving each of them. Loving them includes talking to them, praying for or with them (as just happened this afternoon), and giving them food. :) (I've always been one to keep snacks on hand for myself, but these days the fruit and granola bars are often consumed by students who either forgot their lunch or are just plain hungry. Six of my seven students are teenage boys. Need I say anymore?! :)

Now, back to those unique personalities. The end of the quarter is drawing near, so I have been doing end-of-the-quarter self-evaluations and goal-setting with my students. Here's how three of those sessions went:
J: A very self-confident student who sees only his strengths, and not his weaknesses.
S: A student who puts a lot of pressure on himself, and sees only his weaknesses and not his strengths. (Hmmm...reminds me a bit of myself.:)
H: A very quiet and reserved, but yet a very intelligent student. But he doesn't like to write. So what is he good at? "nothing" What has he improved in this quarter? "nothing" What does he still need to improve in? "nothing" What are his goals for next quarter? "nothing" After much figurative teeth-pulling, poking, and prodding, we eventually managed to get a self-evaluation and goals down on paper.

I know that teaching anything is intense, but I think that sometimes one-on-one ESL instruction is intense. One of my students asked me today if teaching ESL requires a lot of patience. I said, "Yes, sometimes. But I love working with my students. I think that more so, it takes a lot of quick thinking to rephrase or simplify things on the spot when students don't understand." I find that I have to work with each student differently. Not only because of their varied language needs, but also because of their various personalities and temperments.

But you know what? I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. Sure, sometimes it is challenging (and a bit frustrating) to figure out what to focus on when a student has so many needs, or how to help them strengthen a certain skill, or how to plan something that will engage that reserved or resistant student.

I think that at this point (almost to the end of the semester), we all - staff and students alike - are tired and in need of a break. Please pray for us. For perserverance, for grace & patience (with ourselves and others), for health, for a good end to the semester, and for safe travel as we all disperse around the globe at the end of next week.

As for my plans, I fly to the US next Friday - the 18th - to spend Christmas with my family and then get married on Jan. 2nd and then flying back to Germany on Jan. 8th and starting the new semester Jan. 12th. Yes - it will be a FULL but JOYOUS break. Please pray for Mike and I during this time.