Life's Just Different Here

So the other morning I was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of granola. I was still half asleep, but the wheels in my mind were already turning, as they love to do (I tend to have a very active inner monologue:). I was thinking about my current life. I feel like I should be on the "up-swing" of transition and feeling more settled, but rather I feel like I'm still stuck in a rut or funk or something. So then the thought "Life's just different here" pops into my head. Suddenly, I was wide awake. "Well, duh Kari, OF COURSE life's different here and that's why transition is such a big deal."

I sat and contemplated the "little things" that make my life here different than my life in the States. The language. The setting. The fact that I don't have a car. Routines. My job. The community I live in that is a combination of North American missionaries, retired Germans, and "normal" Germans (working, families, etc). Garbage rules. Even the very granola I was eating. German "Muesli" is not cooked as much as American granola, so it's not crispy. But this, this "Master Crumble" was more than "knusper" (the German word for crispy/crunchy) - it might as well have been good ol' American granola!

Now, as for "transition"...I think a big part of my current "problem" is the fact that in seeing so many of my weaknesses, it makes me realize how unworthy I am of everything God has given me, including His grace, love, etc. So instead of leaning on Him like I should, I try to live in my own strength because I know I am unworthy of God's grace and how often I fail Him. I know the truth (that I am a disciple, that God loves me unconditionally, etc.), but I'm obviously having trouble living that out - living like I believe it. As much as I continually fail and try to live in my own power, He is still faithful and keeps on providing. Why am I so dumb? Why can't I just depend on Him and cling to Him every moment like I should? I think it's this thing called a sin nature. Flesh. But I'm trying to fight it.

Transition.
Unworthiness.
Unimaginable love and grace.

I'm amazed at how much I'm learning about myself and my Lord, because He's put me here - where life's just different.