Every year after English Camp, I find myself worn down. A year spent preparing ends with several weeks of intense English Camp work. For the last week before staff arrived, I was working twelve hour days. Then for four weeks, I was either at camp or on call 24 hours a day. My cell phone was always in my pocket. At times, I was talking on two phones at once. My time and energy were spent making sure that everyone had what they needed and that everything was running smoothly.
I have heard the difference between long term and short term missions described as a marathon and a sprint. At the end of this year's marathon (just the same as previous summers), my reserves were empty. Emotionally, physically, and mentally, I was spent. I am slowly beginning the restoration process, but I am still pretty fatigued.
I have had to remind myself that this is normal and to be expected. I think the hard part has been that I jumped right into BFA. (English Camp staff left Sunday the 9th and BFA new staff orientation started Monday the 10th.) Most of the BFA staff have had time off this summer, or at least their summers have been a bit more laid back than mine has been. I have had to remind myself not to compare me to them.
I am doing okay. I just have to put priority on doing those things that will restore me and give me rest. At this point, I'm not sure I have the physical and emotional energy necessary to get through the first week of school next week, but God always gives us what we need when we need it, so I am praying and trusting Him.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Transitions and Emotions
My mind and heart have been a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions this week. So much to process. A new job. Leaving a ministry I love and that has been a huge part of my life for several years. Preparing to get married in January and learning to live in the same community with the man who will be my husband.
Sunday evening I was told to go home - that I didn't need to help with English Camp anymore this week (cleaning, wrapping things up, etc.) I felt relieved, but also guilt that I wasn't helping. (Side note: I will need to go back and wrap up my English Camp life, clean out my desk, organize English materials, etc., but that will not happen this week.) For this week, my sole focus is BFA.
Monday morning I started New Staff Orientation at BFA. Adrenaline carried me through the day. I was at peace and excited with how God had led me to this place in life.
Tuesday morning (or maybe Monday night) I crashed. Doubt and lies and anxiety flooded my mind. Thankfully, God's grace and strength is there when we have none of our own left.
Fatigue underlies (is that a word?) all of these emotions. Five intense weeks of English Camp stuff has left me physically and emotionally depleted. I am trying to restore myself. To know my limits and needs and priorities.
Yesterday afternoon, my supervisor (Anne) suggested I take today off. It's a day of personal prep for teachers. Teachers are supposed to have syllabi and first unit plans turned in by the end of today. Well, as ESL teachers, we don't have that. We will test students when school starts and then plan individualized instruction. So there wasn't anything pressing for me to work on today. Plus, I think Anne could tell that emotionally and physically I needed some time to recoup and regroup.
Of course, I argued with Anne: "No, I'm fine. I need to be here." She just kind of gave me a look that said she knew otherwise. She cleared it with our supervisor who is above her, and so here I am - sitting on my couch and enjoying a leisurely morning. I slept in and now am doing things that restore my soul and help me sort out my mix of thoughts and emotions (Yes, writing helps me process:). I also need to do a few "catch up on life" things - such as buy food and do laundry. This evening, my German intern Jenny is coming over for dinner and I will say good-bye to her (she leaves tomorrow morning).
I am thankful for people in my life who help me understand my limits and needs. To help me put realistic expectations on myself. I am thankful for God's grace, but then also how people show grace to me.
I'm hoping you'll hear more from me as I process these emotions. God is good, and He is at work.
I have long said that my favorite thing about English Camp is the people. One of the highlights of this summer was working with former campers who were staff this summer. Below are some pictures from our English Camp staff trip into Switzlerand around a month ago. We had fun enjoying the beauty of God's creation. :) (Thanks, Jenny, for these photos!)
With Jenny (summer intern) in the beautiful Swiss Alps
I've been told that this is a "typical Kari" pose - very exuberant American :)
with Gloria (former-camper-now-staff)
There it is again...(the "typical Kari" pose)
Because of my height (or lack thereof), I am not used to having to watch my head. The short height of this "doorway" (inside a Swiss Alp) caught me off-guard
See? My head almost reaches! :)
Sunday evening I was told to go home - that I didn't need to help with English Camp anymore this week (cleaning, wrapping things up, etc.) I felt relieved, but also guilt that I wasn't helping. (Side note: I will need to go back and wrap up my English Camp life, clean out my desk, organize English materials, etc., but that will not happen this week.) For this week, my sole focus is BFA.
Monday morning I started New Staff Orientation at BFA. Adrenaline carried me through the day. I was at peace and excited with how God had led me to this place in life.
Tuesday morning (or maybe Monday night) I crashed. Doubt and lies and anxiety flooded my mind. Thankfully, God's grace and strength is there when we have none of our own left.
Fatigue underlies (is that a word?) all of these emotions. Five intense weeks of English Camp stuff has left me physically and emotionally depleted. I am trying to restore myself. To know my limits and needs and priorities.
Yesterday afternoon, my supervisor (Anne) suggested I take today off. It's a day of personal prep for teachers. Teachers are supposed to have syllabi and first unit plans turned in by the end of today. Well, as ESL teachers, we don't have that. We will test students when school starts and then plan individualized instruction. So there wasn't anything pressing for me to work on today. Plus, I think Anne could tell that emotionally and physically I needed some time to recoup and regroup.
Of course, I argued with Anne: "No, I'm fine. I need to be here." She just kind of gave me a look that said she knew otherwise. She cleared it with our supervisor who is above her, and so here I am - sitting on my couch and enjoying a leisurely morning. I slept in and now am doing things that restore my soul and help me sort out my mix of thoughts and emotions (Yes, writing helps me process:). I also need to do a few "catch up on life" things - such as buy food and do laundry. This evening, my German intern Jenny is coming over for dinner and I will say good-bye to her (she leaves tomorrow morning).
I am thankful for people in my life who help me understand my limits and needs. To help me put realistic expectations on myself. I am thankful for God's grace, but then also how people show grace to me.
I'm hoping you'll hear more from me as I process these emotions. God is good, and He is at work.
I have long said that my favorite thing about English Camp is the people. One of the highlights of this summer was working with former campers who were staff this summer. Below are some pictures from our English Camp staff trip into Switzlerand around a month ago. We had fun enjoying the beauty of God's creation. :) (Thanks, Jenny, for these photos!)
With Jenny (summer intern) in the beautiful Swiss Alps
I've been told that this is a "typical Kari" pose - very exuberant American :)
with Gloria (former-camper-now-staff)
There it is again...(the "typical Kari" pose)
Because of my height (or lack thereof), I am not used to having to watch my head. The short height of this "doorway" (inside a Swiss Alp) caught me off-guard
See? My head almost reaches! :)Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Round Two
Time flies when you are having fun, right? We have spent the past two and a half weeks watching God work - in both the big and little things. For the first camp session, I was at a camp. What a joy it was to watch God bring together a diverse group of believers and unify them together with the purpose of sharing His love and truth with German teens. I so enjoyed getting to know and work with this group of staff.
I have always said that my favorite part of this ministry is the people. I love getting to know both the staff and campers. One of the special joys for me this summer has been working with returning staff who I already knew (some for several summers!) and some former campers who are now staff. Lowell is the man who directed the camp I was at. He has recruited for English Camps for several years, and is part of my story - God used Lowell to bring me to English Camps and to Europe. Maggie was a part of my CU teams in 2005 and 2006, but her father led the first CU English Camp team that I was a part of in 2001. Jenny was a camper when I met her in 2005, and this is her third summer as staff. She has been our intern this summer and has been an AMAZING blessing and help to us. I could go on and on - God has blessed us with so many amazing people who pour their lives and hearts into these camps for two weeks (and beyond - most staff keep up relationships with campers after camp via email, Facebook, etc.)
On Saturday, the campers left. On Sunday, the first session staff departed and the second session staff arrived. They have spent the past few days getting ready for the campers who arrive tomorrow. Today the staff is enjoying a sightseeing trip into the Alsace region of France (about an hour's drive from here) - I just saw them off.
Many of you know that I am very hard on myself, have an (sometimes stubborn) independent streak, and don't always understand the importance of rest like I should. God has long been teaching me about these things, especially recently. And I oh-so-slowly starting to learn these lessons. The latest part of this lesson? Over the weekend I came down with a cold. Usually I can fight them off pretty well, but not this time. My body succumbed pretty quickly. And I'll admit - I was frustrated. What horrible timing. I did NOT need to be sick. I did not WANT to be sick. But slowly, I began to realize that maybe it was my body telling me it was more worn down than I was admitting. And I have been learning the lesson that it is okay to let people help me. (Of course, I don't easily let them help me. I have to put up a fight first.) When I step back and realize that if the roles were reversed, of course I would do the same thing for them (such as a 4am airport run) and not let them do it! So yes, little by little God is working on me. And He is so good to me, in the ways He provides for me, and in the people He has put in my life.
Here's just a small glimpse into the first camp (more pictures later!):
Steve, Maggie, and Jenny - EC veteran staff and blessings to me!
Emily (staff) and Lea (camper) are anything but fierce, but they tried to be on Superbowl theme day!
All of the EC3 campers - yay HBR!
Maggie is back for her fourth summer as staff!
Signing t-shirts - an English Camp tradition!
On the last night, we have a banquet and the staff serve the campers. Here I am with Angie and Hanneke, ready to serve. As the German staff pointed out, the towels are NOT classy/fancy, but they are English Camp. :)
I have always said that my favorite part of this ministry is the people. I love getting to know both the staff and campers. One of the special joys for me this summer has been working with returning staff who I already knew (some for several summers!) and some former campers who are now staff. Lowell is the man who directed the camp I was at. He has recruited for English Camps for several years, and is part of my story - God used Lowell to bring me to English Camps and to Europe. Maggie was a part of my CU teams in 2005 and 2006, but her father led the first CU English Camp team that I was a part of in 2001. Jenny was a camper when I met her in 2005, and this is her third summer as staff. She has been our intern this summer and has been an AMAZING blessing and help to us. I could go on and on - God has blessed us with so many amazing people who pour their lives and hearts into these camps for two weeks (and beyond - most staff keep up relationships with campers after camp via email, Facebook, etc.)
On Saturday, the campers left. On Sunday, the first session staff departed and the second session staff arrived. They have spent the past few days getting ready for the campers who arrive tomorrow. Today the staff is enjoying a sightseeing trip into the Alsace region of France (about an hour's drive from here) - I just saw them off.
Many of you know that I am very hard on myself, have an (sometimes stubborn) independent streak, and don't always understand the importance of rest like I should. God has long been teaching me about these things, especially recently. And I oh-so-slowly starting to learn these lessons. The latest part of this lesson? Over the weekend I came down with a cold. Usually I can fight them off pretty well, but not this time. My body succumbed pretty quickly. And I'll admit - I was frustrated. What horrible timing. I did NOT need to be sick. I did not WANT to be sick. But slowly, I began to realize that maybe it was my body telling me it was more worn down than I was admitting. And I have been learning the lesson that it is okay to let people help me. (Of course, I don't easily let them help me. I have to put up a fight first.) When I step back and realize that if the roles were reversed, of course I would do the same thing for them (such as a 4am airport run) and not let them do it! So yes, little by little God is working on me. And He is so good to me, in the ways He provides for me, and in the people He has put in my life.
Here's just a small glimpse into the first camp (more pictures later!):
Steve, Maggie, and Jenny - EC veteran staff and blessings to me!
Emily (staff) and Lea (camper) are anything but fierce, but they tried to be on Superbowl theme day! 
All of the EC3 campers - yay HBR!
Maggie is back for her fourth summer as staff!
Signing t-shirts - an English Camp tradition!
On the last night, we have a banquet and the staff serve the campers. Here I am with Angie and Hanneke, ready to serve. As the German staff pointed out, the towels are NOT classy/fancy, but they are English Camp. :)Thank you for your prayers - God is using you mightily in that way. We couldn't do this without you standing with us in prayer. Please keep praying - for the first session campers as they have returned home - that the seeds that were planted will be watered. And for the second session campers as they arrive tomorrow. Pray for health, safety, unity, and for God's Spirit to be at work in both the staff and campers.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Tomorrow, Tomorrow,...
As I type, our North American staff are on planes coming over the Atlantic. We will welcome our first staff here tomorrow, and the first campers on Thursday. This past week has been FULL of preparations, but we are amazed at how, in the end, God always provides. We are excited to see how He is going to work in lives this summer. Please be praying with us and for us! We can't do this without your prayers!
Monday, July 6, 2009
One Week...
Our first group of staff arrive next Sunday (July 12th), so this week is full of final prep details, as well as many hands-on tasks (setting up bunk beds, grocery shopping, etc.)
*Please pray for our Coordination Team, that we would prioritize and accomplish our "to do" lists well.
*Please pray for our staff who are coming - for their preparation (especially spiritually), their safety, and their health.
*Please pray for our campers. Even now there are changes - cancellations, people from the waiting list being allowed to come, etc. Pray for softened hearts, and that God would begin working even now.
This is a spiritual battle we are fighting, and prayer is our most effective weapon. Thanks for lifting us up.
*Please pray for our Coordination Team, that we would prioritize and accomplish our "to do" lists well.
*Please pray for our staff who are coming - for their preparation (especially spiritually), their safety, and their health.
*Please pray for our campers. Even now there are changes - cancellations, people from the waiting list being allowed to come, etc. Pray for softened hearts, and that God would begin working even now.
This is a spiritual battle we are fighting, and prayer is our most effective weapon. Thanks for lifting us up.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
One Step At A Time
So here at Grand Central Station...err I mean English Camp headquarters....err I mean the top of the JTeV building (I'm beginning to think there might be a reason they put the crazy North American English Camp team on the top floor...if only they knew the half of what happens up here...:) we are busy getting ready for this summer's camps. In a mere ten days, our first staff arrive. We are excited, and also busy busy busy with final details. We have been staying at the office long after other JTers have gone home (even the ones that we sometimes suspect live here because they are here so much:). And our offices reflect the status of our busyness with materials piled here and there as we get ready. It takes a lot of materials (Sports, English, Kitchen, Chapel, etc.) to run camps for 190 campers, and so our limited space tends to get crowded this time of year.
I don't think my co-workers know what to think of my office. The pictures below show its current state, as I work on putting together 6 sets of English materials (one for each camp location).
My stress level has been a bit of a rollercoaster this past week, as I have fluctuated between #1 - remembering that God is in control of these camps - they are His camps, not mine; #2 - trying to reconcile the fact that God is in control with the fact that He can't put bunk beds together or laminate English materials (but He sent an AMAZING intern named Jenny who is sacrificing her thumbs cutting lamination); and #3 - at times living like these camps depend on Kari Sue for success, which sends my stress level through the roof.
God is providing. Over and over and over again He keeps reminding me that HE is in control and that He is working in mighty ways to provide for these camps. What is my response? To trust Him and thank Him and keep plugging away one step at a time with the lamination, bunk beds, English materials, shopping lists, etc.
Yes, it is possible to get to my desk...it is just a bit tricky. (Don't worry, Diane - I'll have it cleared out and finished before you get back next week!)
See - they are actually piles! There is organization and systems in the midst of seeming chaos!
I don't think my co-workers know what to think of my office. The pictures below show its current state, as I work on putting together 6 sets of English materials (one for each camp location).
My stress level has been a bit of a rollercoaster this past week, as I have fluctuated between #1 - remembering that God is in control of these camps - they are His camps, not mine; #2 - trying to reconcile the fact that God is in control with the fact that He can't put bunk beds together or laminate English materials (but He sent an AMAZING intern named Jenny who is sacrificing her thumbs cutting lamination); and #3 - at times living like these camps depend on Kari Sue for success, which sends my stress level through the roof.
God is providing. Over and over and over again He keeps reminding me that HE is in control and that He is working in mighty ways to provide for these camps. What is my response? To trust Him and thank Him and keep plugging away one step at a time with the lamination, bunk beds, English materials, shopping lists, etc.
Yes, it is possible to get to my desk...it is just a bit tricky. (Don't worry, Diane - I'll have it cleared out and finished before you get back next week!)
See - they are actually piles! There is organization and systems in the midst of seeming chaos!Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Something Big To Be Thankful For
God has given me something special to be thankful for recently, and it is about time I shared it with you all! :) He has put a special man in my life, and while I was in the US, that special man (whose name is Mike, by the way...more details in a moment:) asked me to marry him. Mike and I are planning a January 2, 2010 wedding in my hometown.Mike is a fellow JTM missionary. He spent four years working as an RA in one of the BFA dorms. He returned to the US for this school year to get his teaching certificate, and is coming back to Germany later this summer to begin teaching chemistry and physics at BFA. We are thankful for how God has worked in both of our lives to bring us here individually, and then worked to join us together to serve Him.
Every day I grow more and more thankful for who Mike is and how God is using him in my life. Mike encourages me, balances me out, and continually points me to God's truth. I am very thankful for him, and excited to see how God uses us in the future - we know this adventure we are on will not be boring!
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