Sunday evening I was told to go home - that I didn't need to help with English Camp anymore this week (cleaning, wrapping things up, etc.) I felt relieved, but also guilt that I wasn't helping. (Side note: I will need to go back and wrap up my English Camp life, clean out my desk, organize English materials, etc., but that will not happen this week.) For this week, my sole focus is BFA.
Monday morning I started New Staff Orientation at BFA. Adrenaline carried me through the day. I was at peace and excited with how God had led me to this place in life.
Tuesday morning (or maybe Monday night) I crashed. Doubt and lies and anxiety flooded my mind. Thankfully, God's grace and strength is there when we have none of our own left.
Fatigue underlies (is that a word?) all of these emotions. Five intense weeks of English Camp stuff has left me physically and emotionally depleted. I am trying to restore myself. To know my limits and needs and priorities.
Yesterday afternoon, my supervisor (Anne) suggested I take today off. It's a day of personal prep for teachers. Teachers are supposed to have syllabi and first unit plans turned in by the end of today. Well, as ESL teachers, we don't have that. We will test students when school starts and then plan individualized instruction. So there wasn't anything pressing for me to work on today. Plus, I think Anne could tell that emotionally and physically I needed some time to recoup and regroup.
Of course, I argued with Anne: "No, I'm fine. I need to be here." She just kind of gave me a look that said she knew otherwise. She cleared it with our supervisor who is above her, and so here I am - sitting on my couch and enjoying a leisurely morning. I slept in and now am doing things that restore my soul and help me sort out my mix of thoughts and emotions (Yes, writing helps me process:). I also need to do a few "catch up on life" things - such as buy food and do laundry. This evening, my German intern Jenny is coming over for dinner and I will say good-bye to her (she leaves tomorrow morning).
I am thankful for people in my life who help me understand my limits and needs. To help me put realistic expectations on myself. I am thankful for God's grace, but then also how people show grace to me.
I'm hoping you'll hear more from me as I process these emotions. God is good, and He is at work.
I have long said that my favorite thing about English Camp is the people. One of the highlights of this summer was working with former campers who were staff this summer. Below are some pictures from our English Camp staff trip into Switzlerand around a month ago. We had fun enjoying the beauty of God's creation. :) (Thanks, Jenny, for these photos!)
With Jenny (summer intern) in the beautiful Swiss Alps
I've been told that this is a "typical Kari" pose - very exuberant American :)
with Gloria (former-camper-now-staff)
There it is again...(the "typical Kari" pose)
Because of my height (or lack thereof), I am not used to having to watch my head. The short height of this "doorway" (inside a Swiss Alp) caught me off-guard
See? My head almost reaches! :)
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