I sit here resting in peace and gratefulness for who God is. For who He has made me to be. For the lessons He is teaching me. For every step of journey He is allowing me to live.
He is good.
He loves me.
He holds me in His hand.
Picturing myself curled up in the palm of God's hand engulfs my heart with peace. Sweet peace. I don't know how to fit everything that is on my heart into one post, but I am at a point of being acutely aware of (and grateful for!) God's working in my life, and I had to share.
There's the old analogy of our lives being a tapestry - we see the messy underside and God sees the beautiful piece of art He is creating on top. Normally, I am all too aware of just how messy that underside is. But recently, God has allowed me a glimpse of how He is working. How the pieces of the puzzle of my life fit together. How He is using it for His glory. And He thinks it is beautiful. I cannot accurately put into words the joy and peace it brings to my heart to see His fingerprints all over me, my life, and this journey He is leading me on.
The last several months have been intense for me. I've been asking lots of questions. Making decisions. Processing. Reflecting. Working through some things. Allowing God to bring healing. Learning many lessons that God has to teach me. It hasn't been easy. No, not at all easy. The waters have been rough at times. But it is for my good. I have rested in the fact that my Heavenly Father wants what is best for me. He loves me and cares for me. He will carry me through the rough spots in life.
I am thankful - oh so thankful! - for the answers He has given and the resolution He has brought to some of these situations. I think recently, though, I have become antsy and impatient for complete healing and complete resolution. Well, I hate to break it to you folks, but I am not going to be perfect this side of heaven. This healing, this growth, and this journey is a process that will last as long as I am on this earth.
I know, I know, you all knew I am not perfect. And that perfection is not a realistic expectation. You don't expect me to be perfect. I don't expect you to be perfect. But yet I expect myself to be perfect. The grace and forgiveness I easily extend to others, I don't extend to myself. I think I am finally understanding - it is FINALLY getting through my thick skull - that I expect more of myself than I think even God expects of me. His grace is freely given. His love is unconditional. He wants me to live a life of freedom. Submerged in His grace, mercy, and love.
A lot of these lessons and truths that I am learning were cemented into my heart by a book I finished reading last night. I highly recommend Letters Never Sent by Ruth Van Reken to all of you, but especially to those of you who have lived overseas.
I want God's love to fill me up, so that it then can flow out of me and encourage the people in my life. I want to be one who God uses to speak His Truth, love, and grace into others' lives.
Words cannot express how thankful I am that God doesn't give up on me. How thankful I am for everything He has done and continues to do in and through me. Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift! (2 Cor. 9:15)
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