Saturday, September 27, 2008
Dresden Here I Come!
Tomorrow morning I am leaving to travel (9 hours by train) to Dresden for 4 weeks of language study! While I am excited, I feel that I have a realistic view of the adventures, blessings, and challenges that these four weeks will contain. Just today a friend reminded me that intensive language study is "like drinking out of a fire hose" and that I need to just absorb as much as I can, realizing that I won't be able to grasp it all. A good reminder.
Monday, September 22, 2008
"Step by Step in His Hands"
The title of this blog is a phrase whose truth I have often clung to. I started embracing it during my college years. Over this past weekend, a friend of mine mentioned "I Am From" poems. I said, "Oh - I wrote one of those in college!"
So I did a little digging in my computer files this morning, and I found my "I Am From" poem. Sure enough, it contains the phrase "step by step in His hands."
I'm going to share this poem with you. Why share this on a blog about my current life and ministry in Germany? Because, while the world described in this poem seems starkly different from my current "world," this poem speaks of who I am, of where I am from. I wouldn't be where I am or who I am today without the foundation described in this poem.
So I did a little digging in my computer files this morning, and I found my "I Am From" poem. Sure enough, it contains the phrase "step by step in His hands."
I'm going to share this poem with you. Why share this on a blog about my current life and ministry in Germany? Because, while the world described in this poem seems starkly different from my current "world," this poem speaks of who I am, of where I am from. I wouldn't be where I am or who I am today without the foundation described in this poem.
I AM FROM
I am from four-legged spots of black and white amidst fields of rolling green bordered by rusty barbed-wire fences,
From gallons upon gallons of fresh white milk rushing through the shiny metal pipeline from one end of the barn to the other,
From bright green John Deere tractors slowly rolling through the field, preparing the hay to be made into thousands of compact dusty bales.
I am from a kitchen table covered with mountains of white mashed potatoes, craters of creamy macaroni and cheese, and a rainbow of garden-fresh vegetables,
From plates of warm chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven and full glasses of ice cold milk,
From holidays filled with special foods, like the plethora of pumpkin bread at Christmas, which some people eat a loaf at a time.
I am from shouts of joy, chaotic laughter, tears of shared sorrow, and smiling faces,
From sticking together, loving each other, and growing closer through all the ups and downs – no matter what we may face,
From endless love, hugs, and support, not only for each other, but also for countless friends and family.
I am from “Amazing Grace,” “Jesus Loves Me,” “He Leadeth Me,” and “Because He Lives,”
From a small country church, where the people are more family than friends.
From bowing the knee and surrendering my life to serve God – to live every day step by step in His hands.
I am a stalk of alfalfa, growing in the field of God’s grace, supported by the roots of family and friends.
I am from four-legged spots of black and white amidst fields of rolling green bordered by rusty barbed-wire fences,
From gallons upon gallons of fresh white milk rushing through the shiny metal pipeline from one end of the barn to the other,
From bright green John Deere tractors slowly rolling through the field, preparing the hay to be made into thousands of compact dusty bales.
I am from a kitchen table covered with mountains of white mashed potatoes, craters of creamy macaroni and cheese, and a rainbow of garden-fresh vegetables,
From plates of warm chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven and full glasses of ice cold milk,
From holidays filled with special foods, like the plethora of pumpkin bread at Christmas, which some people eat a loaf at a time.
I am from shouts of joy, chaotic laughter, tears of shared sorrow, and smiling faces,
From sticking together, loving each other, and growing closer through all the ups and downs – no matter what we may face,
From endless love, hugs, and support, not only for each other, but also for countless friends and family.
I am from “Amazing Grace,” “Jesus Loves Me,” “He Leadeth Me,” and “Because He Lives,”
From a small country church, where the people are more family than friends.
From bowing the knee and surrendering my life to serve God – to live every day step by step in His hands.
I am a stalk of alfalfa, growing in the field of God’s grace, supported by the roots of family and friends.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Things I Am Thankful For...
crisp fall air * deep honest conversation * my siblings * all of my family * real maple syrup * rooibus chai * my campers * music * God's grace * books * friends * walking * email * beautiful creation * language * people * coffee * fleece * colors * dairy products * the cross * memories * outdoors * hooded sweatshirts * home * turtlenecks * hot chocolate * anything chocolate * true friends * deep breaths * freshwater lakes * mountains * hay fields * lilies * true peace * true joy * truth * sharing life * pearls * ice cream * german yogurt * laughter * tears in a bottle * the people in my life * blessings
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
There's Got to be More to Life Than This...
Last night I was thinking about how desperately I (we) want peace and joy. And I realize that is the longing of every person. To have peace and joy – that feeling that everything is right. Some people try to fill that void, that longing, with sex, drugs, and alcohol. Some people try to fill it with “good” things like friendship, service, and ministry. But really, there is only one true source of that joy and peace we seek – God. Jehovah. Father.
I was also thinking about how much I (we) want to “fit” where we are. I wonder if I will ever find where I fit. And then it hit me. I won’t find that this side of heaven, because “this world is not my home.” Rather, "my citizenship is in heaven” (Philippians 3:20).
The “more to life” that we seek is what we were made for – eternal life with our Creator, worshipping Him. We won’t find that true peace here on earth. The closest thing we can find is living every moment of every day for Him alone. Not for self. Not for others. For God alone.
I was also thinking about how much I (we) want to “fit” where we are. I wonder if I will ever find where I fit. And then it hit me. I won’t find that this side of heaven, because “this world is not my home.” Rather, "my citizenship is in heaven” (Philippians 3:20).
The “more to life” that we seek is what we were made for – eternal life with our Creator, worshipping Him. We won’t find that true peace here on earth. The closest thing we can find is living every moment of every day for Him alone. Not for self. Not for others. For God alone.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Stepping Out...and Waiting...
I am trying to get more connected in the German community this coming year. Doing that has involved letting go of some of my English/North American connections (Bible Studies, English-speaking church, etc.). At this point, I feel like I am waiting. I have begun to step out of that comfort zone, and am praying and waiting for God to open the right doors. Some doors (exciting ones at that!) have begun to crack open, but nothing is confirmed yet. Please pray that I will wait patiently and remain sensitive to God's leading. Pray that I find my rest in Him alone.
Monday, September 1, 2008
German Church
For the last several months, I have been alternating between attending the English-speaking and German churches here. I love the English-speaking church, but in June I felt convicted that once English Camps were over, I needed to step out of my comfort zone and only attend the German church.
I have struggled a bit with this. "Why?" you ask. Because it is hard to sit through a church service I don't understand, and therefore I don't always feel like I am being fed. It is hard to sometimes feel like I am attending church for a language-learning experience rather than as a worship and learning experience. Which challenges me to remember that worship is about my heart attitude. And that language learning and connections take time. It is encouraging to stop and realize that I do understand more than I did when I first started attending the German church.
Connections. For the last few months, I have been praying and asking God to give me more connections in the German community here.
Most of the Sundays I have attended German church, my roommate and I have gone, sat, not really understood, and maybe said "Hello" to another North American or perhaps a German co-worker. I have walked away feeling like I had no meaningful interaction with other people or with Spiritual Truths.
Faithful. Sometimes God asks us to be faithful and continue to step out of our comfort zone, even when we don't see results from it.
Yesterday as Rachel and I walked to church, we started talking to a couple from the church. (He is American and she is German, and they both are fluently bilingual). I had heard a few days ago that the wife is going to start teaching a German class for North Americans here - something I am interested in. She started talking about this without me even asking! And then we ended up sitting with them during church. The husband helped us understand the sermon.
After we sat down, a young engaged couple we know (they are German/Swiss, have JT connections, and actually both were involved with English Camp this summer) came and sat down next to us as well.
Then, on our way out of church, we talked to another American family.
When we got home, Rachel and I sat down with the German sermon outline (which is provided on a handout) and a German-English dictionary to hammer out the meaning of what the pastor had said about the stoning of Stephen. We figured it out, except that we were still at a lack as to what his application was.
But all in all, we felt like it had been a good Sunday morning. Connections. Some understanding. Being challenged (in multiple ways).
God is good!
I have struggled a bit with this. "Why?" you ask. Because it is hard to sit through a church service I don't understand, and therefore I don't always feel like I am being fed. It is hard to sometimes feel like I am attending church for a language-learning experience rather than as a worship and learning experience. Which challenges me to remember that worship is about my heart attitude. And that language learning and connections take time. It is encouraging to stop and realize that I do understand more than I did when I first started attending the German church.
Connections. For the last few months, I have been praying and asking God to give me more connections in the German community here.
Most of the Sundays I have attended German church, my roommate and I have gone, sat, not really understood, and maybe said "Hello" to another North American or perhaps a German co-worker. I have walked away feeling like I had no meaningful interaction with other people or with Spiritual Truths.
Faithful. Sometimes God asks us to be faithful and continue to step out of our comfort zone, even when we don't see results from it.
Yesterday as Rachel and I walked to church, we started talking to a couple from the church. (He is American and she is German, and they both are fluently bilingual). I had heard a few days ago that the wife is going to start teaching a German class for North Americans here - something I am interested in. She started talking about this without me even asking! And then we ended up sitting with them during church. The husband helped us understand the sermon.
After we sat down, a young engaged couple we know (they are German/Swiss, have JT connections, and actually both were involved with English Camp this summer) came and sat down next to us as well.
Then, on our way out of church, we talked to another American family.
When we got home, Rachel and I sat down with the German sermon outline (which is provided on a handout) and a German-English dictionary to hammer out the meaning of what the pastor had said about the stoning of Stephen. We figured it out, except that we were still at a lack as to what his application was.
But all in all, we felt like it had been a good Sunday morning. Connections. Some understanding. Being challenged (in multiple ways).
God is good!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
An EC story
As I continue to process through and learn from this summer's English Camps, my heart desires to share with you some of the things God did this summer (even though I haven't completely sorted things out). Sure, my role involved me in plenty of crazy stories involving 4:15am fire alarms, vans with issues, and boys who refused to go to sleep at a decent hour (among other things). But that's not what is important. That's not why I love English Camp. What is important is the amazing work that God does. English Camp is an intense experience - it is definitely a battle. God is changing lives and Satan doesn't want that to happen, so he tries to work against us any way he can. (Usually in small ways that we don't immediately identify as 'a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.')
Allow me to share with you a story...a story that has touched my heart in deep ways...a story which God has used to remind me of why He has brought me here and of the truth that He is using me in spite of myself...
Those of you who know me well know that I am most definitely a people person. However, my current role involves a lot of tasks. I realized during the second camp session (during which I was directing one of the camps) that I was having trouble balancing those two things. I was either in people mode or task mode (probably in task mode more often), but I wasn't balancing the two.
During the last night as I sat in "Etwas Mehr" ("Something More" in German - our evening chapel program), I was thinking about this. It made me sad to think that I hadn't focused on the people as much as I would have liked to. I realized I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. My heart was heavy because I felt like I hadn't truly connected with any of the campers. And the campers are the whole reason I'm here...
We ended by singing "I Have Decided To Follow Jesus." I love that song. Its seemingly simple message is profound - it always speaks to the depths of my heart and refocuses me. (I'll spare you the explanation of the many ways and reasons it speaks to my heart.) As I sang, my heart felt heavy for the campers. Leaving camp is a very emotional experience and very hard, especially for the new believers, but for all of the campers. [Most of our campers don't have strong spiritual support systems at home. As much as being a Christian teen is hard in the US, I daresay it is harder in Germany. There are not as many "supports" (strong churches, quality youth groups, believing families, like-minded friends) here as in the US. Our campers might have one of those supports, but not usually more than one.]
As I shared a few closing thoughts with the campers, my raw emotions and heart for them was evident. God gave me the poignant and succinct words to share my heart with them - how I know it is hard for them to go home, but that we as staff care about them, and are here for them whenever they need us.
I then observed as people began to leave the room. I soon noticed that S. was still sitting in her chair, looking like something was weighing heavy on her. I approached her and gently asked if she wanted to talk. As we walked out of the large meeting room to find a quieter place to talk, I felt the depth of knowing that God was answering my prayer of connecting with a camper, even though we hadn't begun to talk! God is so good to me!
S. is not a very verbal person, but she began to share with me some extremely difficult situations she is dealing with. Tough stuff that I can't imagine dealing with. Then she said, "And my mother has MS, but you probably don't know what that is." My heart just about stopped beating. (For those of who don't know, my Mom has had MS since before my parents were married.) This is the third summer in a row that I have connected with a camper whose mother has MS. How amazing is God to use this to help me connect with these campers!
However, her mother's MS is just a small part of what S. is dealing with. Please pray for her. For strength in her journey. Here is part of an email I received from S. last week:
"I thank you so much for talking to me. I think it have been very important for me to talk about it. Now I`m trying to cope with the everyday life and I`m trying to do it with God. I made a new beginning with him and on Friday I will go for the first time to a new youth group. I really hope that I can manage my life with God, although it`s very hard because I approached my problems and I have the feeling that I can`t manage it. But every time I feel that way I have to think of your words: `` It`s too much for me and it`s too much for you, but it`s not to much for God.`` So I pray that he will help me to cope with my problems..."
That's why I'm here - for the kids and the gospel and the gospel and the kids...
Allow me to share with you a story...a story that has touched my heart in deep ways...a story which God has used to remind me of why He has brought me here and of the truth that He is using me in spite of myself...
Those of you who know me well know that I am most definitely a people person. However, my current role involves a lot of tasks. I realized during the second camp session (during which I was directing one of the camps) that I was having trouble balancing those two things. I was either in people mode or task mode (probably in task mode more often), but I wasn't balancing the two.
During the last night as I sat in "Etwas Mehr" ("Something More" in German - our evening chapel program), I was thinking about this. It made me sad to think that I hadn't focused on the people as much as I would have liked to. I realized I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. My heart was heavy because I felt like I hadn't truly connected with any of the campers. And the campers are the whole reason I'm here...
We ended by singing "I Have Decided To Follow Jesus." I love that song. Its seemingly simple message is profound - it always speaks to the depths of my heart and refocuses me. (I'll spare you the explanation of the many ways and reasons it speaks to my heart.) As I sang, my heart felt heavy for the campers. Leaving camp is a very emotional experience and very hard, especially for the new believers, but for all of the campers. [Most of our campers don't have strong spiritual support systems at home. As much as being a Christian teen is hard in the US, I daresay it is harder in Germany. There are not as many "supports" (strong churches, quality youth groups, believing families, like-minded friends) here as in the US. Our campers might have one of those supports, but not usually more than one.]
As I shared a few closing thoughts with the campers, my raw emotions and heart for them was evident. God gave me the poignant and succinct words to share my heart with them - how I know it is hard for them to go home, but that we as staff care about them, and are here for them whenever they need us.
I then observed as people began to leave the room. I soon noticed that S. was still sitting in her chair, looking like something was weighing heavy on her. I approached her and gently asked if she wanted to talk. As we walked out of the large meeting room to find a quieter place to talk, I felt the depth of knowing that God was answering my prayer of connecting with a camper, even though we hadn't begun to talk! God is so good to me!
S. is not a very verbal person, but she began to share with me some extremely difficult situations she is dealing with. Tough stuff that I can't imagine dealing with. Then she said, "And my mother has MS, but you probably don't know what that is." My heart just about stopped beating. (For those of who don't know, my Mom has had MS since before my parents were married.) This is the third summer in a row that I have connected with a camper whose mother has MS. How amazing is God to use this to help me connect with these campers!
However, her mother's MS is just a small part of what S. is dealing with. Please pray for her. For strength in her journey. Here is part of an email I received from S. last week:
"I thank you so much for talking to me. I think it have been very important for me to talk about it. Now I`m trying to cope with the everyday life and I`m trying to do it with God. I made a new beginning with him and on Friday I will go for the first time to a new youth group. I really hope that I can manage my life with God, although it`s very hard because I approached my problems and I have the feeling that I can`t manage it. But every time I feel that way I have to think of your words: `` It`s too much for me and it`s too much for you, but it`s not to much for God.`` So I pray that he will help me to cope with my problems..."
That's why I'm here - for the kids and the gospel and the gospel and the kids...
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