Out of my control

I'm an oldest child. A recovering perfectionist. An independent person. Due to these, and other, factors, I like control. This is hard to admit, because after all, who wants to admit that they are a control freak?

A good Christian is supposed to trust God and leave it all in His hands, right? Isn't that so much easier said than done? As my friend Julie once said, "I put it in God's hands, but I like to keep my pinky on it."

Being married is a huge blessing, but it definitely sands off your rough edges. MY rough edges. Getting married has helped me to see how much I can be a "control freak" - sometimes with little things that don't really matter.

As much as I would sometimes like to control all of the details of my life, I know that I can't. And I'm thankful that I can't, because God's plans truly are better than mine - bumps, mountains, valleys, and all.

Really, it is all a matter of perspective and attitude. What's that adage? - "You can tell a lot about a person by how they handle a rainy day, lost luggage, and...some other situation." Well, God gave me a good reminder a few weeks ago. He reminded me that I am NOT in control. The adage for that week was, "You can tell a lot about Kari by how she handles a cold, a gray hair, and a dead computer power cord."

These three things were out of my control. I haven't had a cold in a very long time, which was something I was rather enjoying. Then, a few weeks ago, a cold struck from out of nowhere. I was frustrated. The congestion. The nagging cough. No one likes it. The truth is, as much as you take care of yourself, sometimes you're still going to get sick. I am not ultimately in control of my immune system.

The second thing I am not in control of is when my hair turns gray. I found my first gray hair in the summer of 2009. (It is taped in my journal for posterity's sake.:) I was a bit frustrated by it. Twenty-seven at the time, I didn't think it was fair that my hair was turning gray when I barely looked eighteen. I hadn't seen another one since. I was hoping it was a fluke. My reaction was much the same when I spotted another unmistakably gray hair a few weeks ago. For the rest of that day, I was paranoid every time I glanced in the mirror, thinking I had spotted another gray hair. I guess I was hoping to not have gray hair until at least my forties, but maybe that wasn't a realistic expectation. And again, I realized it's a matter of perspective. After all, I have friends and family members who have gone prematurely gray. I found one gray hair, which is buried in a mass of curly dark brown hairs. Another gray hair here and there over the next few years is not something to lose sleep over.

The third thing that I could not control that week was that my laptop's power cord gave up the ghost. Again, no warning. All of a sudden, it just no longer worked. Thankfully, it was still covered under warranty, but of course it wasn't that simple to replace. I'll spare you the gory details, but after multiple phone calls to (a certain company)'s representatives in two countries and visiting a third, followed by more phone calls, a new power cord was mailed to me. And thanks to amazingly speedy German delivery, a new power cord was in my hands the next day (at no monetary cost to me - just my time and phone bill).

All this to say, I was reminded that week that there are many things in life that I cannot control. It's better to roll with the punches and remember what I have to be thankful for, instead of grumbling and being frustrated. As my Mom says, "Look for the blessing, not the burden."