Life's Just Different Here

So the other morning I was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of granola. I was still half asleep, but the wheels in my mind were already turning, as they love to do (I tend to have a very active inner monologue:). I was thinking about my current life. I feel like I should be on the "up-swing" of transition and feeling more settled, but rather I feel like I'm still stuck in a rut or funk or something. So then the thought "Life's just different here" pops into my head. Suddenly, I was wide awake. "Well, duh Kari, OF COURSE life's different here and that's why transition is such a big deal."

I sat and contemplated the "little things" that make my life here different than my life in the States. The language. The setting. The fact that I don't have a car. Routines. My job. The community I live in that is a combination of North American missionaries, retired Germans, and "normal" Germans (working, families, etc). Garbage rules. Even the very granola I was eating. German "Muesli" is not cooked as much as American granola, so it's not crispy. But this, this "Master Crumble" was more than "knusper" (the German word for crispy/crunchy) - it might as well have been good ol' American granola!

Now, as for "transition"...I think a big part of my current "problem" is the fact that in seeing so many of my weaknesses, it makes me realize how unworthy I am of everything God has given me, including His grace, love, etc. So instead of leaning on Him like I should, I try to live in my own strength because I know I am unworthy of God's grace and how often I fail Him. I know the truth (that I am a disciple, that God loves me unconditionally, etc.), but I'm obviously having trouble living that out - living like I believe it. As much as I continually fail and try to live in my own power, He is still faithful and keeps on providing. Why am I so dumb? Why can't I just depend on Him and cling to Him every moment like I should? I think it's this thing called a sin nature. Flesh. But I'm trying to fight it.

Transition.
Unworthiness.
Unimaginable love and grace.

I'm amazed at how much I'm learning about myself and my Lord, because He's put me here - where life's just different.

A Weekend At Blauen

This weekend I spent helping out at Blauen (one of BFA's girls dorms). I was blessed by the time I was privileged to spend with these amazing girls. Here are just a few of the highlights:

- Conversations about literature (Russian authors, anyone?)
- Tripping and falling flat on my face
- Analyzing the relationships and decisions in "Gilmore Girls"
- Discovering I am not a vampire because when I look in the mirror I do have a reflection (evidently vampires don't?!)
- Dorm garage sale
- Conversations about experiences, plans, and dreams
- Outdoor movies
- Haircuts
- Discovering random connections
- Attempting Sodoku
- Mealtime conversations


and many, many more...

"Are you staying here for the summer?"

Most of my friends here work at BFA, so their lives revolve around a school year calendar. (I understand this.) Therefore, their "time off" occurs during the summer. Many of them do return "home" to North America for part of the summer. More than once, I have been asked "So are you going home at all this summer?" One person who asked me should have known better. :) I gave her a crooked smile and said - my words dripping with sarcasm - "There's this little thing called English Camp I'm involved with." Oh right...! And we laughed.

So then, I'm talking to my Mom on the phone the other day. She asked when I might possibly be coming home next (which is still a question mark, in case you're wondering). Mom says, "What about during the summer?" Mom!!! Again, I pointed out the whole English Camp thing, and my precious mother felt dumb. At least she was asking about next summer. :)

As my roommate pointed out, if my own mother is asking this question, I am not allowed to give anyone else grief for asking.

But yes, to answer your question, I'm staying here this summer. :)

Juggling Details

My responsibilities with English Camps include a wide variety of things - everything from the English teaching segment of the program to the menus and shopping lists, from setting up the layout/usage of the dorm space to staff orientation. And many many more details. Last week I decided that I feel a bit like a juggler - trying to take care of many different facets of camp and ensure that everything that needs to happen does indeed happen. I don't want to let anything "drop."

When I'm surrounded by details, it is easy to get overwhelmed. But that is not good. It is not healthy, nor is it God-honoring. I find that I consistently need to take a step back and look at the big picture. When I do that, it is easy to see how God has been VERY faithful. Yes, there are still pieces of the puzzle that need to fall into place, but God, in His amazing and loving ways, has already orchestrated many things for this summer's camps. For example, we have a HUGE need for male counselors for our second session, and this morning I received emails about two potential male counselors. God is good!

Many times over the past week God has reminded me of His faithfulness in my life. I cannot miss the evidence of His hand in so much. I praise Him for His faithfulness. One song in particular has been going through my mind over and over again in recent days:

"Oh Lord, You have been good.
You have been faithful to all generations."

Indeed He has. When I get discouraged because I allow myself to forget His grace and care for me, He is quick to redirect my focus (if I'm sensitive to His Spirit and voice). This morning I was in a bit of a negative mode and yet another song came to my mind:

"Trust and obey
for there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus
but to trust and obey."

May I trust and obey and praise Him for His faithfulness today.

My Amazing Mother

As you might guess from my recent posts, I've been missing my family and friends a lot recently. Don't get me wrong - I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, but sometimes I feel the width of the ocean more deeply than at other times. Today, being Mother's Day, is one of those days that I long to be with my family. To laugh and cry with them, and to celebrate the amazing blessing that our Mom is to us.

My Mom truly is an amazing woman. She would never tell you this, because in her humble way, she doesn't give herself enough credit. My Mom pours herself into other people - first into our family and then into friends. She cares for others more than she cares for herself. This love is shown in the plethora of food and baked goods she makes, the packages she sends, and the cards and letters she writes. She gives her time and her energy (what little she has) to others.

For the past thirty years, Mom has faced the challenges of having a body and a disease that work against her every moment of every day. She deals with constant pain (among other things). How she does it, I'm not sure. I don't think I could. I know her faith in God is SO strong. One of her favorite hymns is "Because He Lives." "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow..." My Mom truly believes that, and her life shows it. Her positive attitude and perseverance put me to shame. She puts most healthy people to shame with her work ethic. Last spring, I jokingly told Mom that I think God allowed her to have MS because otherwise the rest of us wouldn't be able to keep up with her.

My Mom is the glue that holds our family together in a lot of ways. She is my biggest cheerleader, and I daresay that my siblings would say the same thing. She is always there to share in my celebrations, to give me a hug, or let me cry on her shoulder. I am so thankful that I know she is only a phone call away. (How many times have I heard her say "You can call anytime"?) Always, she focuses my perspective where it needs to be - "on the blessing, not the burden" as she says. She consistently reminds me of how much God has blessed me. And one of the biggest blessings He has given me is my Mom.

I love you, Mom.

Five Years Ago Today...

Five years ago today I graduated from CU. Looking back, the past five years have not held what I would have necessarily expected them to, but I have learned that God's plans are so much better than mine. I am so thankful for where He has brought me and what He has taught me. He has blessed me so much more than I ever could have imagined or deserved, and He keeps on pouring those blessings down!

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts. "
Isaiah 55:8-9

Famous Friends

Last Friday evening, I hung out with some of my "famous friends" in Basel (just across the border into Switzerland).

The Chiquita Banana Lady, The Flash, and Larry the Cucumber