Gratitude Journal #1

Awhile ago, my precious neighbor and friend challenged me to start a 40-day gratitude journal, describing what I am thankful for, and what I want. So here I am, the day after Christmas, starting it, and sharing it all with you.

What am I thankful for?
*Mari Ellen - my neighbor, friend, and fellow missionary who challenged me to do this. God certainly knew what He was doing when He put me across the hall from her! I am thankful for her listening ear, cups of tea, joyous laugh, knowledge of German culture (and many other things:) and especially for the way she speaks Truth into my life.
*Sunshine - Winter can be quite gray around here, but yesterday and today have been beautiful sunny days.
*Christmas - No matter how you spent it - with family or friends, snow or tropics, it is all about Christ. I was reminded of that this year as I made new traditions during my first Christmas far from home.

What do I want?
*Dorothy's Red Slippers - You know, from the Wizard of Oz. Click your heels three times and you will be transported wherever you want. It would make visiting friends or family much more feasible! Oh, so you want me to be realistic? Ok, so then I want the Atlantic Ocean to not be as wide as it is. :) (In other words, I wish my family were not so far away.)
*To Dwell Deep - Lexi is a friend who was an RA here at BFA last year and is now teaching in the US. She sent out an update email the other day in which she shared what she has been learning and experiencing. I was challenged by many of her thoughts, especially this one (I hope you don't mind that I stole this, Lexi.):
I was encouraged to “dwell deep” by Amy Carmichael. When I am deeply rooted in the Lord, circumstances and other surface things will not rock me. This quote has been so good:
“Too much of thy surface is exposed to the breath of every wind that bloweth. Thou must learn to dwell deep.”
*To not fear. To rest in God's hand - to remember that He has promised to uphold me.
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

Sunrise in NY
(Look at the detail on the pine tree. God made that. The amazing God I serve made that. He knows how many needles are on that tree. He knows how many hairs are on my head. Why should I worry?)

Unsure Anticipation

I sit here sipping coffee and staring at my Christmas tree, tears running down my cheeks as I think of my family thousands of miles away. Christmas is three days away. I must admit that I am not sure what to expect this week - what to anticipate. Yes, I know that Advent is all about anticipating and celebrating Christ's birth and His future second coming.

Yes, it is all about Christ. But our celebrations are closely tied into family as well. When I think of Christmas, I think of Christ and family. The word traditions also comes to mind. What are my traditions? They are not mine - they are my family's. How I celebrate Christmas this year, far from my family, is up to me. So, beginning today, I am starting some of my own traditions. Some may be my family's, some may be my own, some may be borrowed from other people. What exactly will they be? I am still not completely sure...

Yesterday in church, our pastor spoke on Mary's Magnificat. I want my heart to echo the beginning of her prayer (Luke 1:46-47):

"My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior."

Yes, even though I am far from family this Christmas, my soul magnifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.

Because it is all about Him, after all.

Yearning for Truth...

...What if you could see yourself thru another pair of eyes
What if you could hear the truth
Instead of old familiar lies
What if you could feel inside
The power of the hand that made the universe...

(Big Daddy Weave - "What Life Would Be Like")

"Home" Sweet Home

I use the word "home" to describe many places...I have a NY home, a Germany home, and in a lot of ways (because of my people connections there) an OH home still. Sometimes I feel torn between them and like I don't quite fully "fit" in any of them. I have been challenged recently that heaven is my one true home...this is what I should be longing for. One day, I will truly be home.

Some of you might think that sounds a bit negative or perhaps even morbid, but I think any of you who have lived in more than one place can identify with these sentiments.

Part of the reason that I have been contemplating the concept of "home" is because I just had the blessing of spending two weeks at "home" in NY with my family. When people ask me where I am from, Northern New York is my answer. Because that is where my family and my roots are. The purpose of this trip was to spend some good quality face-to-face time with my family. It was an AMAZING time - a marvelous trip beyond what I even expected! All of my siblings were home for Thanksgiving week, so we enjoyed laughing, talking, and eating eating eating together! :) (Anyone who knows my mother knows that there is NEVER a shortage of food in the Eaves household.:)

Even though my main priority this trip was to spend time with my immediate family, I was blessed to be able to see most of my extended family, as well as some friends. It was good to be able to catch up with my church family at my home church. Many of these people have been part of my life for most or all of my life, and I wouldn't be who I am today without them.

On my way back to my Germany "home", I spent an extra 24 hours in NYC and then was re-routed through Atlanta. I was a bit disappointed and a slight bit frustrated, because it only made the trip that much longer. But really, the trip was mostly smooth, just long. However, I have since realized the truth that, so I spent an extra 24 hours in NYC. So what? What difference does it make? I didn't miss anything. I am safe and healthy. Also, everything happens for a reason. Even though I don't know the reasons, I trust my Heavenly Father and His sovereignty.

Thank You, Father, for the blessing of family and friends, and for time spent with them.

with my siblings

with my parents

with the Kerrs (a precious couple I have known my entire life)

with Ty (my cousin)

the beauty of God's creation...sunrise on the farm

Amazing People

I am so blessed in the people I know. This includes the German campers, and their families! Our campers come from a variety of backgrounds and situations, but I have met some truly amazing, godly families.

On Sunday, my coworker Norm (who is a retired lawyer from California and oversees follow-up for our English Camps) and I went to a town about 20 minutes away to go to church with and have lunch with a family who had two teens at English Camp this summer. Mandes and Malindi were both a joy to have as campers this summer.

Their dad is the pastor of their church. Normally, the church meets in a large room in their house. However, in August a fire damaged that room, as well as the children's bedrooms. Just this weekend, the four children were able to move back into their bedrooms (which they were very thankful to be able to do:). The church meeting room is still being repaired.

I was so impressed with this family! The parents met while serving as missionaries in Kenya. The family's love for God and for each other was clearly evident. I was encouraged by my afternoon with them, and I hope it is not the last I spend with them!

Some of you might be thinking "Kari, these campers are only 20 minutes away - why haven't you visited them before?" Because I don't have a car. And the bus and train connections between here and there are tricky/not frequent/indirect/etc. BUT GOOD NEWS! My co-worker Katherine leaves in December for a year-long HMA (Home Ministry Assignment = furlough) and is so graciously and generously giving me her car! Words cannot adequately express how thankful I am to her and for her (and not just because she is giving me her car.:) So now I will be able to be able to get outside of Kandern easier and more frequently, and do things such as visit these campers. YAY!

Grace. Faith. Weariness.

The past few months have been intense. A busy summer of English Camp was followed by much processing. God has been stirring up a lot of things in my life in a lot of different areas. I guess you could say that He has been showing me more of who I am and who He created me to be and how He wants to use me. Then throw in four intense weeks of language study, with everything that that experience entailed. Plus I am starting to make some decisions regarding the future.

To be completely honest, all of this leaves me feeling weary at times. But I realize that there is only One who can give true rest and joy and peace.

I am contemplating what grace truly is and how truly believing in it affects how I life my life. Which has then also gotten me thinking about faith. Here are some verses that have challenged and encouraged me and ignited some more thinking:

"Meine Gnade ist alles, was du brauchst." 2 Corinthians 12:9 I like this in German because it is so simple and straightforward: "My grace is all that you need."

"I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose." Galatians 2:21

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

a mangled myriad of thoughts on my mind

My mind and heart are full. In ways that are hard to put into words. But God is slowly beginning to focus the picture. Through the fuzziness and confusion, He is beginning to point, lead, and guide. In ways that make His fingerprints over my entire life evident. How good He is! How sweet it is to see and rest in His goodness in the midst of uncertainty. May I continue to do the hard work of seeking Him. How easy it is to say that I will surrender all of me, but how difficult it is to actually do.